30 Something

Well, Mr. Appleton is a flop. He's got himself into a bit of a pickle, Dick. Basically, he's been "dating" quite a few different women and hadn't disclosed this to each of them. He said that he should have defined the term "dating" so that the women wouldn't get mad. Duh! One woman that he "dated" he happended to sleep with and she got mad that he was "dating" other women because she thought they were in a relationship instead of just "dating." So she sent out an e-mail to me and other women on his list about what was going on. So he's been desperately trying to explain to me that it was nothing. I don't have time for the drama. I'm not going to visit him. I'm not driving all that way for a booty call. I've got men here I can screw if I want to. So that was bust.

My ex (I think I've gotten over him a little, notice I didn't call him my bf) has also gotten himself into a bit of a pickle. Basically, he was screwing a married woman and didn't know that the married woman was married to this guy. This guy also happens to train professional athletes. So his mail was stopped, he's been getting harrassing phone calls and his e-mail is sending out viruses to people that he e-mails to. I thought it was funny at first, but he's got a son at home. So he told me today that he wouldn't be able to accomodate me until this weekend. He added that he needs to "get his life" straight so that he doesn't involve me in anything that he would have to worry about. I just want to get laid. I don't even want to do it at his house. I want him to come to my house. We can rent a room for all I care. I just want to get laid. Is that to much for a girl to ask?

On Friday I got an im from my ex asking me about programs that are offered to students. I began to ask a ton of questions to get more info on what he was asking of me. He got frustrated with me for asking questions. I then told him to give me a min. while I look up some information. So I'm looking up information and my phone rings. I close my door to take the phone call. There is a knock on my door. It's my secretary telling me that he was waiting for me with student in tow. So I rush my phone call to assist him. The student is his cousin. Now I'm a little confused. I was sure that his cousin already had a degree. So again he's asking me for programs that are offered. My first question is "what kind of program?" My ex gets a little ticked and flippantly tells me that he would leave his cousin in my office. So I got frustrated and started to pull info out of my butt. I looked like a total fool. Well it turns out that I was right in asking the questions becuase he cousin wasn't looking for bachelors programs. He was looking for graduate programs. I felt so stupid for not being calm enough to ignore my ex's responses and ask the questions that I needed in order to get his cousin the correct information. So after getting his cousin out of my office it was still bothering me that I made an a** of myself. However, at about 10 min. before it was time to go home I check my e-mail and there is an apology from my ex. He explained that he was having a bad day and didn't understand y i needed all of that information. We went back and forth a little bit, but I ran out of time before I could respond to his last message. I can't believe that I allowed myself to be so initimidated by him. I can't believe that I still care what he thinks about me. Uggh!

So I've been blogging on yahoo 360 about a guy I met online that lives in Wisconsin. I call him Mr. Appleton. Well, recently I've got e-mails from a woman who claims that she has been dating him. She's been seeing him on the weekends, but found out that he's looking for a new woman. So he's got himself in a pit of a pickle. I was making plans to visit him in February, but I'm not sure if I want to spend my time and money driving way to Wis. for nothing.

I talked to my ex. I sent him an im"

me: (1/23/2006 11:29:32 AM): so i was trying to come up with a classy way to ask u to f*ck me, but I can't think of anything...
him: (1/23/2006 12:20:29 PM): so dont worry about being classy
me: (1/23/2006 12:21:48 PM): i am so horny. i need to be poked really good. u gonna help me out
him: (1/23/2006 12:22:04 PM): sure
me: (1/23/2006 12:22:37 PM): k, when
him: (1/23/2006 12:23:33 PM): most likely tonite or tomorrow nite... tom may be easier because of class, but tonite may work too... I'll have to call u tonite and let u know for sure
me: (1/23/2006 12:24:14 PM): k, i've got a mtg at 6. should be done by 8, but i can leave early if need be
him: (1/23/2006 12:24:47 PM): ok...
me: (1/23/2006 12:26:51 PM): oh and i work tom night till 10. not sure if i can leave early though, i'm off on wed evening and i work til 10 on thurs and fri.
me: (1/23/2006 12:27:15 PM): but if i have to i'll make up something to leave early
him: (1/23/2006 12:27:36 PM): tonite will probably be best then
me: (1/23/2006 12:27:47 PM): yeah

So our plans were to meet last night. He called me about 8:15 and cancelled. I was almost sure that was going to happen and it did. He left me a voice message that he had a problem with his son and he got a call to meet some friends later. Okay, this is Monday night. Who hangs out on a Monday night and how long do you hang out. It was 8:30 when I called him back. At 8:30 in the evening my mind was on getting in the shower and getting my clothes ready for work the next day. Of course I'm a night owl, but I don't hang out late during the week unless I've got a date and I really really want to meet the guy. Or unless I'm going to get laid. He said that we would make plans for Wednesday, but I don' t know. I think he will cancel again. Bummer.

There's this guy from match that I met. He lives in town. He's pretty cute, I invited him to take dancing classes with me. I hope he does. That would be exciting.

So I sent him a card on Friday. I got an im thanking me for the card. He mentioned that it meant a lot to him. I'm going to call him to wish him a happy b-day with the hopes of him maybe inviting me over, with the hopes of maybe cuddling and doing the nasty. I am desperate for the goods...(Sigh). A guy I met in Chicago will be coming to visit me the weekend. I"m not too thrilled. I'm trying to figure out how I could get out of it, but he wants to see me. I haven't talked to Mr. Appleton in a while. He's been on a business trip since Friday. He won't be back until tomorrow. I miss him.

On yesterday I got an e-mail from a friend of mine. The e-mail was a forward of an obituary from a girl that I knew from college. I didn't know her personally, but everyone knew her. She was the person that came to campus and light up everything. She was involved with student body, a member of Phi Beta Kappa. She won the Miss Black EIU crown her sophomore year, she was good at everything. Her obituary stated that she went on to graduate from Loyola school of Law. She was married for three years and had a 9 month old son. There was accomplishment after accomplishment and accolade after accolade of the things that she's done. She was only 27. She died December 29, 2005. I was devastated. I was sad because she left at such a young age. There was so much power in her. So much that would be lost. After reading it I started thinking about myself and my mortality. I'm deathly afraid of death. I'm only 28 and I have not accomplished nearly as much as she and I want to live a long life. She died of a disease that she had since childhood. I have a blood condition that could show up at any time and take me out. I don't want to live in fear of dying.

Well, I've met two guys on the internet that I"m not sure about. One lives five hours away. Another lives three hours away. I've been posting on my yahoo 360 bout my experiences and both have been reading it. Big mistake. So i'm not sure what to do. The one that lives in chicago is very stable. The one that lives in Wis., I'm not sure about. He's a job hopper, but i really like his vibe. I have to go more into detail about each one at a later date.

He still loves me or at least has some type of feelings for me. It was bittersweet. I have a blog on yahoo 360 and i mentioned on there that i he didn't return my call. Well I guess that ruffled some feathers cause he im'd me to ask me what I meant by my comment. I proceeded to tell him that I felt like I was last on his list. He told me that I wasn't and that he didn't want to expose me to unnecessary demands. He told me that he was depressed and had different needs now. I wanted to ask him what needs, but I didn't. I just wanted to leave it at that. I feel good that there is some feeling there, but I'm sad because i want time. Time to spend with him, but he's filling that time with other women who he says are lower than me, but I don't think so. He's in love with Ms. Michigan.

So, I found out that my bf spent new year's with a girl in Michigan. I was okay with it because I was moving on, but if u notice I still called him my bf so I haven't moved on. I'm trying to find a good substitution since I can't move on by myself. You know when you give up bad habits there has to be something positive to take the place otherwise you keep going back to it. So I have to find something to fill this void. I was seriously okay with him going out with other chicks until I found out that he is really digging this chick. So I'm heartbroken. Bad sex, a bad check and a broken heart. That's not a good way to bring in the new year. But I've got to keep going. I've got to get better this yea. I've just got to. I think my existence depends on it.

As I reflected on this year I couldn't help but to think bout my ex. His b-day is coming up this month and his b-day is what the new year is to me. I'm sure he's still in Mi screwing that girl and I can't be mad. I got in a screw last night too. I'm not sure if I did it to get back at him, but I really didn't enjoy it. I wish it was him. (Sigh) But, I'm determined not to continue to hold onto him in this year. If he wants to have fun I can move on.