30 Something

I've gotten through the 1st quarter and i'm not proud to say that at least 1/3 of my students have failed. Apparently that's the norm. I just got my 1st obsevation evaluation done. It was planned and so far the asst principal said that I had good control over my classroom. We have a formal post observation conference scheduled for next week where we will determine if I'm unsatisfactory, satisfactory, or excellent. I would rate myself as satisfactory. I'm a little nervous about it, but oh well. I'm new so what do they expect.

My love life is doing better. I've been seeing a new guy that I met online in June, but we've decided that we wanted to be together in September. Already I'm seeing a few red flags. I'm not sure why I'm ignoring them.

Red flag #1: He told me that he had a drinking problem and that he's getting help for it. We didn't really talk about it much. He actually told me this while he was drunk so i didn't know how valid it was. However, the next morning I asked about it and he didn't deny it. I told him that I couldn't deal with an alcoholic because my stepfather was and our lives were miserable because of it. He said that he was getting help and I believed him until a couple of weeks ago.

It was Sunday night and all weekend I was harping about how my evaluation was coming up and that I needed to get as much rest as possible because I wanted to be at work bby 6:30. Well, he decided that he wanted to drink and keep me up until 4 in the morning. I was so pissed. Not only did he keep me up he was talking to another woman that he had on speakerphone. She kept telling him that she loved him and that no one was going to love him like her. I was so pissed. The next day I let him have it. He said that he didn't remember anything from the night before.

Red flag #2: Another woman was at his house. (after he told me he had a drinking problem, but before the night he kept me up til 4)
I called him and told him that I was less than 5 min away from his house and that I was coming over to help him work on his brakes. Well, I wasn't going to actually help, but I was going to watch. Well instead of taking 5 min, it took me 20 and I got there and another woman was sitting outside talking to him. Well, that didn't bother me much. I have male friends, but what bothered me was that as I walked up and said hi, he didn't introduce us. He proceeded to talk to this woman like I wasn't there. The woman kind of noticed something odd to and excused them to go talk near her car. She then came up to me to ask me how long we were dating. I told her about a month and she then told me that she didn't know about me and that she needed to get her stuff from his house. WOW. I immediately left. He came by my place right before going to work and while I ignored him by talking on the phone with my friend, he managed to tell me that he would call me. When he did call I told him that I was going to do some male bashing with my friends at the bar and he practically begged me to come home so that we could talk. When I got home, not only did he not talk he asked me to give his car battery a jump because he mistaken left the lights on and it died. He never once explained anything. I left and went to get blasted. I was furious. He came to my place at about 3 in the morning wanted sex. I was too through. I would have pushed him down the stairs if I had the nerve becuase he was so drunk he wouldn't have remembered anyway. The next day I went off on him. He then explained to me that he was shocked at what he had gotten himself into and he said the he and the woman (monique) had dated, but it was over a long time ago. He then begged me to forgive him for not introducing her.

Red flag #3. Instead of allowing me to introduce him to my friends he walks off. We were going to the library to get books on electrical wiring (he was fixing some light fixtures at my place) I ran into an old friend and as I was going to introduce him he walked off. My friend kind of laughed it off, but I was a bit embarrassed. He later said that he didn't know if I was going to get him back for not introducing his ex-gf, so instead of standing their being embarrassed himself he just walked off. WTF.

Red flag # 4. He breaks our plans by either falling asleep or hanging out with his friends, then gets upset when I don't want him to hang around with my friends.
I was so looking forward to hanging out with last Friday. We planned to watch movies and stay up late. A couple of my friends called me to go out to see a movie, but I turned them down waiting on him. I went shopping and bought some cute lounge wear and he never showed up. The next morning he said that he fell asleep. I couldn't believe that I let him do that, but I didn't say anything. That saturday night while talking to him on the phone I told him that I was going out with a friend since we weren't going to spend too much time together. He quickly changed his plans since this friend of mine was a male. He then begin to tell me that my friend had no business bring friends with me since he was married with children. The nerve.

So now after these red flags I don't know what to do. I like him, but I'm not sure if he bf material. Maybe he's just good enough to be a fling, but I really really like him though. He has a great job, great potential, and is very attractive. I don't know what to do.

This past week was our homecoming. GRRRRRRRRRR. I couldn't understand why so many teachers had such apahty about homecoming. I remember homecoming to be a fun time. Of course my only account to a high school homecoming was my time in high school, but how bad can it be? Well after Friday I was about to pull my hair out. I was so frustrated that I wanted to cry and I"m not a crier. The week started off okay. We had the usual bad hair day, costume day, dynamic duo day and we ended the week with class color day that concluded with an all school assembly which I didn't attend because I don't have a homeroom. I didn't mind not attending either because by noon I was at my wits end with my students. Luckily I took heed to what teachers were saying and didn't plan to much activity for the week. We watched Akeelah and the Bee because we are in the chapter that talks about mental health and how self esteem effects mental health. However, despite that I still had to have a coming to Jesus talk with 7th hour. One student had the audacity to tell me that I give way too much homework. Mind you this student has missed over half of the time in my class and is constantly in APR for misbehaving in other teacher's classes. So he had no right to talk about the work that I give him. I did tell them that I wasn't going to take their disrespect anymore at all. I put three students out and I scared a few more. I think I'm gonna have that talk with 6th hour too. My problem is that I don't follow through. I give them chance after chance and I say that I"m gonna give them a detention and then they apologize and bam it's right back to the same behavior. It frustrates me so much. Then I have the students that don't care if I give them a detention because they don't show up at all. It stesses me out. Why can't they make students that way that they used to: nice, mannerable, wouldn't think twice about talking back to the teacher or having an attitude with the teacher. I've been so stressed out that it is affecting my immune system. I've had upper respiratory problems since the beginning of September. I take a constant dose of Zicam and airborne at least once a week. I started back taking one a day vitamins because i'm not eating like I should. I know that's no way to lose weight, but I simply don't feel like eating, even when i'm hungry. I have to make myself eat. I haven't been stressed like this in a while. But, it's a different kind of stress. When I was working at the college, it was more like a dread to go to work, now it's stress where I'm trying my best to do evertying right and it's still not working. My goal is to teach long enough to take my admin certification test and to move on. I don't want to be a teacher forever. I want to be an administrator or a counselor. I think I want to go back to school to get my counseling cert because the classroom is not for me at all. I can't deal with the attitudes and the disrespect, I hate grading papers, and I hate calling parents with bad news that their children come from satan and are destined to ruin my life. I hate having to deal with students that don't care whether they pass or fail. That just drives me crazy and I hate being evaluated. We have such a strict evaluation. If I'm not excellent then I will not be hired back. So there's the stess of managing my class and working on being excellent. There's no leaveway. Ugh.

In other news, I started to date Terry, but that's going down the tubes because he told me the other day that he's been seeing his ex-gf, so me and Nate dog have been kicking it for the past week. I really really like him. I can't get him off my mind. I haven't been so enthralled with anyone like this in a while. I count down the hours until he's home from work. It's sickening. A couple of days ago he was trying to get hot and heavy and I kept pushing him away, one because I have a nasty cold sore and two because I did't want him to get the wrong impression, but the entire time he was grabbing on me he was telling me that he wanted to fall in love with me and that he thought I was the one as soon as he met me in July. The only bad thing was that he was telling me all of this while he was a little tipsy. I told him the other day that I don't believe anything anyone tells me while drunk or while having sex. People are liable to promise me the world during those times. So he did tell me that even though he was buzzed he meant every word he said. My heart started to beat really fast. I can't wait to see him this eveing. I think I'm gonna cook dinner for him.

In other news I absolutely hate my neighborhood. I love my apartment, but I hate the fact that there are crackheads that will do anything to steal. I left my phone, purse, wallet, and $20 in my truck and went to get something. Instead of coming right back down I decided that I wanted to watch Judge Judy and sit for a minute. That minute turned into an hour and when I finally went down to get my stuff out of the car I found a little piece of metal sticking out of my car door. I don't do too well under pressure so at first I was thinking that the neighborhood kids were playing around. Went I did get my stuff--my purse, my wallet and the $20, I didin't think anything about it until I realized that my phone was gone. I acted the little boy around if he had seen anyone messing with my truck and he said that when he was coming outside he saw a man at my truck and he yelled at him and the man grabbed something and left. Ugh. He stole my cell phone, but he didn't have a chance to get anything else. Grrrrrr. Now I remember why I never park in the back anymore and I'll never do it again. I'm also thinking about buying an alarm system for my truck.

I've been so busy that i haven't had a chance to blog lately. There's so much going on. Schools crazy, but good. I'm still having a hard time motivating some students. The 1st quarter ends in about 2 weeks. I'm so happy. Some students will be out of my hair. It's sad that I say that, but it's true. It's hard to deal with some students. My love life sucks. Ugghhhhh. I have lost 5lbs though. That makes me happy. Well, not much time. I've gotta grade papers.