Funk d fied
I was in a slump on Thursday. I kept crying and crying. Right now I can't remember what brought this on. I was running around trying to get students to a scholarship luncheon for ADM. The luncheon was a huge success. My students not only won $500 scholarships, but the money was double. So they walked away with a check in their hand to use for school, clothes, gas, books, etc. I was thrilled. We made a good impression on the people at ADM. I rubbed shoulders with a lot of wealthy people. One lady had a house so big she said that for christmas she had to decorate 9 christmas tress. How big does your house have to be to decorate 9 christmas trees. And she wasn't talking about trees outside. These were trees inside the house that already had the ornaments attached by wire. She needed to take them out of storage (where would u store them) and hang lights and other ornaments. Mike D'Ambrose was there. I wanted to make sure that students met him. He was quite the jet setter. He flys all around the world on their private jet. It was exciting, but at about 2:45 I began to get somber and as I left to go to the bank I just started crying. I then began to have an anxiety attack. I was talking to myself trying to calm myself down, but I couldn't stop crying. I got back to work and just sat in the car. I couldn't even think of anyone who could help me, so I just sat alone. I kept thinking, this is what I need a mother for, so I prayed to God.
Afterwards I was trying to think of why I was so upset. Basically because instead of operating at 100%, I'm operated at about 60%. 60%, though over half of my capacity, is definitely not good enough. I need to be 100% in everything I'm doing and I'm not there and it makes me sick to know that I'm not there. It makes me absolutely SICK. I'm wasting myself. I was so disgusted with myself that I wanted to go drink myself into oblivion. I can't take not performing to where I'm supposed to be. I can't take it at all. So I HAVE to get BETTER, ASAP. I HAVE NO CHOICE!
Afterwards I was trying to think of why I was so upset. Basically because instead of operating at 100%, I'm operated at about 60%. 60%, though over half of my capacity, is definitely not good enough. I need to be 100% in everything I'm doing and I'm not there and it makes me sick to know that I'm not there. It makes me absolutely SICK. I'm wasting myself. I was so disgusted with myself that I wanted to go drink myself into oblivion. I can't take not performing to where I'm supposed to be. I can't take it at all. So I HAVE to get BETTER, ASAP. I HAVE NO CHOICE!
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on Friday, March 13, 2009 at 9:57 PM.
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