somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wow. I made a choice to live for God, which includes me living a restricted, regimented life. So, I've been working on myself....trying to get to a place where I can really commit to this lifestyle and I started fasting with my church because I believe what the Bible says, "these kind come out by fasting and prayer...." So, I was really getting into prayer and reading my Bible and just as Jesus, I was tempted. However, Jesus succeeded.... I didn't.
The test came and it was like a wolf in sheep's clothing....of course my test came in the form of a man....how else would it come? It was Thursday, January 21, 2010. I was walking into a store to get laundry detergent. And "Coach" was there in the center of the aisle and as I was walking in I talked to a fellow co-worker and he was there listening to our conversation trying to speak to me. After the conversation, he began asking me how I was and telling me it was nice to see me all while fiddling with his blue tooth earpiece. I spoke and was trying to keep moving because being on a fast requires a person to watch their conversation. So as I was leaving, he follows me in the store trying to hold a conversation--talking about his son, moving to Chicago and coming back. I'm just smiling and nodding. He continues to tell me that it is good to see me, "I'm getting ready to go play cards, you play cards?" I tell him, that I"m not into card games, but I do play board games. We get into a conversation about who can beat who in connect four. Of course this gets me going and I end up giving him my number so we can connect to play connect 4.
My intention was not to play the game during the fast, but he calls me after his card game to ask why I didn't call him. "Because I"m fasting," was my first thought. He goes on and on about wanting to beat me, so it was one. I went to his house to play. He was right. He was very good. I believe I won 2/30 games. He has his way of counting chips if there is a description for it; actually he as very good strategy to win every time, from my readings on the web. So, our innocent game to connect four was complemented by our conversation--mainly his about how he's always been interested in me. Okay, rewind......we met in 2001 when my brothers were wrestlers at MHS. He was their coach. From the time we met, I've always been interested, but over the years, every time I see him, he's aways with some woman and basically, I see him about once a year. So, for the past 9 years, I've seen him with 9 different women. Well, maybe not, but he's always with a woman. So the convo is flowing about how he's been interested in me and he needs me in his life and blah, blah, blah and I"m just cheesing because I've felt the same--about liking him. Well, our night end abruptly when a woman walks though his front door.
OH, NO!!! I speak to the woman and she walks into his bedroom. WOW. He begins to tell me that she is his son's mother, and the rest was, "Womp, wa-womp, wa-womp." I didn't hear anything he said because now I'm confused. I ask him if I should leave and he says, "Yes." I get home and get into bed and some time later, he calls to ask me why I didn't call him to let him know I made it home. WHAT????? He explains that he is in this situation with this woman that he's been in for the past 9 YEARS and he's never had to move on, so he's been stuck. He's unhappy, but STUCK. WOW. My thought's were, "What do you need me for?" Well, again most of the conversation, I don't remember, but he is going on about how I wish I didn't leave, he really didn't want me to leave, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, before I left he tried to introduce me to this woman, but she didn't even come out of the room. AWKWARD!! So, now he's got mental issues and he's saying that he needs a hug. Ooookkkaaaaayyyyyy, "What do I have to do with that," is what I wanted to ask him. He begs and begs me to come to give him a hug. It's 3am and he wants me to get out of my bed to give him a hug. My flesh wants to, but my mind and my spirit knows better. So, I explain to him, that I can't hug him. I can't, not at this hour; he tells me he don't understand, nothing is gonna happen. He just needs a hug and he's wining about needing a hug. I begrudgingly agree to ONE hug and then I'm outta there.
Well, I get there and get right inside the door and he wraps his arms around my waste in a nonhug way. He places my hands on his chest in a nonhug way. There was no innocent hugging going on, there was steamy, hot, erotic something going on and I couldn't handle it, so I'm telling him that I need to leave and he's whispering and oozing sexiness and my mind went blank and my body took over and..........
I get home and am disgusted with myself. OH GOD!!!!!!!!
For days afterwards my mind was crazy. I couldn't work, I couldn't eat, I couldn't function. I was just having flashbacks of my time with P in Oct 2008. I was upset, I was furious. What was wrong with me and he's telling me about this chick that he can't seem to get out a relationship with. Boy, I was in a doozy. I was got. I was had and I was losing it. I prayed and prayed for God to help me. My God mom noticed me and told me she would help me.
So, after a couple of days of hitting and missing each other on the phone, I let it go. I didn't want to talk to him, see him, think about him, NOTHING. I was even thinking about changing my phone number. Well, he calls on Sunday to ask my why I was acting funny ever since he said he wanted to marry me. WOW, I must be crazy or maybe he's the crazy one. Somebody in this relationship don't got it all. Why would I marry a man that 1. I don't know even though he says I do know him. 2. Is stuck in a relationship with a chick that he can't seem to let go. 3. I don't know how many children he has. 4. I just don't know about him...I mean, he's attractive, is college educated, has a lot going for him, but there are some red flags that I just can't ignore. I don't know what to do. I believe my spirit is saying to "RUN, RUN as fast as you can." But I'n not sure. Plus, I'm not is a place where I can be with someone anyway.
What to do, what to do???
