30 Something

For the past couple of days, (actually the past couple of months during this wedding season), I've been a little "blah" because I have not had male companionship in a while--like since February. Not counting the time I went to see Price in July.

Btw, I can't remember if I wrote about this, but I found out the Price got a new job in Springfield and before he started I sent him a card congratulating him on his graduation and his new position. A few weeks later I was in Springfield and decided I was strong enough to go see him, so I called information, got the number to his office and called his line and pretended to be a parent in distress. It was a good prank. When I got to his office we chatting like old friends, I ignored the LARGE PINK ELEPHANT in the room because I missed his friendship. During the time I was there, I wanted to tell him so badly about how he hurt and how I never got to express to him how I felt. Of course, he's apologized and apologized, but I never got a chance to release to him what he did to me. So I smiled and we exchanged pleasantries. It felt good, but I also felt sad. When I left, we half-hugged and I went about my way. Later on I found him on FB and he sent me a message telling me that he was happy to see me and that I looked good. That made me smile. About a week later, he asked me to do lunch, but at that point, I made up my mind to not to talk to him again. I made me sad, it still makes me sad that we can't be friends, but the truth is, we can't. Every once in a while I FB stalk him and recently I found out that he's writing a book. I'm so happy for him, but as the tears well up in my eyes, I know that breaking the friendship is for the best.

So, that was the last male encounter that I've had.

Back to my story....

I walked into the post office get a change of address form because I am officially moved out on tomorrow. I walked up to the guy at the counter, who I see there all the time, and ask him about a change of address form. He sheepishly flirts by saying that it would cost me dinner. I laugh and tell him that's a lot to fill out a form. As I fill out the form, I ask him if we were to go to dinner where would be go. He tells me, "out of town." Okay, I'm no fool, but out of town would not be my first choice. Why do you want to take me out of town? Are you hiding from someone. The entire time I didn't lift my head because I'm racking my brain trying to remember if he used to wear a wedding ring or not. I believe he did and now it's not there. Hmmmm, well, I ask where out of town and he mentions Jumors or Biaggi's in Bloomington. Well, both of those restaurants are wonderful choices, so I ask when and he says a weekend would be best, however, any day of the week would be good if he wanted to go to eat. So I finish my form hand it to him, ask a few more questions and write my number down on a piece of paper and simply mention that dinner might be nice.

Now, I'm second guessing myself. I KNOW that this is not the time for me to be dating. I'm not in a dating mood. I simply want to hang out and eat or watch a movie or something, nothing intimate, nothing "heavy" just light-hearted innocent hanging out. So, why potentially agree to something if I'm not interested. Of course now that I'm thinking about it, this reminds me of the time when I met Brian. He actually reminds me a bit of Brian and I'm not going back there.

Well, as I was leaving, I was driving in my car thinking about the guys that I've "hung out" with and how on last summer I got myself into a lot of trouble with this guy. (I was going to hyperlink a post about him, but i just realized that I didn't talk about him.) Well, a couple of years ago, I get this message this guy, we shall call him HMG---Hot Married Guy. We went to high school together, but for some reason I did't remember him. He said he was crazy about me, but I didn't know who he was. Well, I decided to go to a wedding in STL and I told him I wanted to hang out. Boy did we hang out. Well, actually we sat in his car and talked and as he was trying to get "fresh" (cool word, right), I decided it was time to go. I got out the car and he's right behind me. He grabs me, kisses me and boy oh boy was I feeling it. I LOVE AN AGGRESSIVE GUY, not abusive, but aggressive. I'm pushing him away and he's getting closer and tryna kiss me everywhere, everywhere and I"m trying to run away because I was getting weak. Well, I figured something wasn't quite right because if you wanted to see me, we could have easily gone to his place, we didn't have to meet in the car. WHAT?? So I left and he called me and was talk sexy and crazy. I knew better to not get involved. Well, I later found out that he was married. UGH!!!! I hate married guys that don't disclose that they are married. WHAT???? Well, I started thinking about him and I started thinking about Mister and thinking about another guy I used to date who was married and was proposing to me, but didn't tell me he was still married and I didn't find out til later. WHAT??? So my mind has been all over the place with men today. So, I need God to SAVE MY MIND!!!!!

I don't know what I"m going to do if the guy calls. I'm going to email my spiritual mom to see what she says.

I've worked in education for over 10 years, so I'm accustomed to the nuances, attitudes, issues and cultures of the world of academia. However, now that I'm working in corporate America and I'm having a little difficulty adjusting to the new culture. I'm finding that there is a great divide between the non-profit and for-profit world. It's a different world. In academia, our business was people. In corporate American our business is money and sometimes the two don't mesh. I'm all about second chances and new beginnings, corporate American is about, "if it don't work, we fire you and move on to the next best thing." I need to learn to adjust to this new culture and it's very uncomfortable. I wish I can fast forward to 3 years from now so that I get over the culture shock.

Litany by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass,
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is no way you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general’s head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in the boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of the rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley,
and the basket of chestnuts on the wooden table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman’s teacup.
But don’t worry, I am not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and – somehow – the wine.

It is said that it takes 21 days to break a habit. I need to break a bad habit that I've had since I was little. It keeps getting me into trouble. This week has been really bad because I made a conscious effort to get over it, however, the past few days I've been more and more into it. Ugh!!!! I think I will do a 21 day fast and pray!!

I interviewed for a part-time job with Kelly Services as a Staffing Supervisor. It pays a little less than my past job (at part-time of course), but I'm not worried about that. The main issue was that I had income coming in and this is proof that His love never fails. There's a wonderful song by Jonathan Butler and Juanita Bynum that says, Your Love Never Fails and I thank God that he has not failed me. I've failed him, but he has not failed me!!!!

My hours would be part time and that is perfect because then I will be able to continue my nonprofit work. I'm excited.

I'm exhausted and I have nothing to do. I remember a time when Friday night for me was eventful--shopping, movies, etc. Now, I do nothing on Friday nights, but work and then go home.

This year's VBS was a success!!! I'm glad it's over. Thank God, I made it through it!1

This year's VBS has turned out to be good. Instead of having VBS for the older youth, we are having a Youth Retreat and I'm in charge of the activities. The first day it didn't go over so well with the high school age. However, yesterday was awesome. Now, I have to put my plans together for today. YAY!!! Thank you Jesus!!!

I had an interview with a job I applied for on yesterday. My plan was to get up at 8am to prepare. However, I didn't get up until 9 and my interview was at 10. Everything was good except for the fact that I had to print out my resume. Grrrrr! I don't have a printer at home so I needed to get to the library. I got there and they had the service blocked, so I had to ask for assistance and by the time I got it printing off, It was 9:45. I prayed and prayed that I get there on time and I got there right at 10am. I might have been 10:01, but I got there in a nick of time and that bothered me. I prayed to God that I get this job. I believe I have about thirty dollars to my name. So I need some income ASAP. The interview went well. The interviewer said she as another person to interview. Dang! I have some competition. She is sending me to Springfield on Tuesday to meet with the person there, so that is a good thing. I believe that if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. I'll be praying that God give me favor.

I have a friend who is getting married and she is oooooozzzzziiiinnnnngggggg love. I spent the day in her office helping her put together a report and all throughout the day (from 10am until 3pm) she would periodically refer to her wedding or to her fiancee or to their pictures, or to something referring to them. Of course I am ssssoooooooo happy for her, but wow. It can get a little overwhelming. I'm smiling right now thinking about them because I am so happy for her, but a few times throughout the day I just wanted to ask her if we could get back to work. Her wedding is the last Saturday of this month and I've been asked to help out and I am so happy to help her. This is such a big day, I can only imagine what I'll do when my time comes. She let me listen to the song she wants to play to go down the aisle,Brian Mcknight, Still in Love. I wanted to let her listen to a song that I want to play while I do my wedding march, but I recanted. This was her moment and I wanted it to be about her.

However, I will play the song on my blog :)




I was also thinking about this song, but I need to listen to the words again...

I was a little sleep when I typed on yesterday, so I'm not sure what I typed. Anyway, I just finished meeting with a colleague and I told her that I was going to meet with someone who was questioning our work. She told me that I should talk to our ED about what I should say so that I won't be backed into a corner and that I wont over explain. I was a little put off. I've been meeting with this person for 7 months now getting information about our program and now we need to respond and she's saying that I don't know how to respond. After the meeting, I told her that I would not got and I was a little peeved and a little defeated and I just sat in my office wondering why I was so bothered and I think it's because of my controlling spirit. My controlling spirit was put off because I didn't want her to tell me how to do my business. So I just calmed my spirit and turned on Eddie James, Rescue. I needed to be comforted by Jesus, but in my seek for comfort I realized that I was in the wrong. I should have listened to her. She was simply looking out for me, but in her looking out, we weren't seeing eye to eye. I wanted to do what I wanted to do regardless of her and that's not right. I have to learn to listen to my colleagues even if I don't agree.

There are some people that I'm just uncomfortable with. I want to get over that. I need a good book to read!!!

....it's August. Just yesterday it was January. What is going on??

At church yesterday Apostle spoke about King Jehosephat and King Ahab. He explained how King Jehosephat was king in Judah and God blessed his kingship. The country was at peace. However, he decided to join alliances with King Ahab, king of Israel by allowing his son to marry King Ahab's daughter. The problem with King Ahab was that he married Jezebel who was an idolater so of course the children weren't of God. This led to King Ahab's demise because God never intended for him to marry her. Also, God never intended for King Jehoshaphat to join affinity to King Ahab.

Consequently, as Jehoshaphat was visiting Ahab, Ahab asked him to go to battle with him. Jehoshaphat agreed, but the told him to seek counsel from God. Ahab called 400 prophets and they all prophesied that they should go to battle and that God would be with them. However, Jehoshaphat wanted to hear from a prophet of God and asked for one. King Ahab told him that there was one that always prophesied doom and Jehoshaphat insisted that they get him.

When the prophet Macaiah came he wasn't really interested in prophesying to the king, so he just told him what he wanted to hear, "God will be with you," But Ahab told him to tell the truth and surely the prophet Macaiah told him not only would Israel be scattered, but they would be scattered because of the false prophets who were filled with a lying spirit. One of the 400 false prophets was angry at Macaiah and slapped him and told him that he wasn't better than him. King Ahab sentenced the prophet Macaiah to jail, "until he comes back in.." and Macaiah told the people that if it didn't happen he wasn't a prophet of God.

They went to battle and King Ahab was killed. King Jehoshaphat was spared because he called on the name of Jesus!

I went to the most beautiful wedding on Saturday. The Bride was beautiful and after exchanging vows the Groom pulled out a microphone (from inside his tux pocket) and started serenading the Bride. Two groomsmen were his backup. It was the most beautiful things. I wanted to cry. He started by singing Usher, There goes my baby, then we went to Train, Hey Soul Sister, then to Alicia Keys, No One and the last song was an old school song that I can't remember, but it was so special. Her dress was beautiful, the setting was amazing, the runway had rose petals glues to the floor--it was awesome.

I helped out with the wedding and I kept telling my friend that we would be cleaning until after 10. The wedding started at 3pm, the reception started at about 6pm and we were done around 7:30pm, but we needed to clean the church and the reception hall. I think I got home around 10:30pm. I was tired. Of course not as tired as the family or the wedding planners. They did such a wonderful job!!!