30 Something

I've been thinking about my anti-social behavior alot, especially since I have this interview coming up tomorrow. I've come to the realization that the reason that I'm so anti-social is because I'm way too self-conscience (I've had some help coming up with this). I don't have confidence in myself and my abilities, so instead of just letting my wonderful personality shine I hide so that others won't judge me. Instead of sitting and holding a decent conversation with people I sit quietly to myself and bask in silence listening to others tell stories about themselves. I often thing of myself as being a boring person because whenever I'm in a group of people I sit and listen to them talk because when I interject I'm usually ignored. No one takes what I have to say seriously so I just learned to sit and listen and laugh. As time went by I learned that I was okay just sitting and instead of making an effort to be social I preferred to be alone. Well, the problem is that it's not okay for me to be anti-social. I have to be confident in myself and know that I have something to offer. My ex used to always tell me that I had to pretend that I was "somebody" in order for people to take me seriously. He told me that the reason that he was so arrogant is because he has to sike himself up to believe that he is who he is and people like him. I need to start siking myself up because I don't like fumbling over my words and feeling uncomfortable when I'm in a social setting especially when I'm in a professional setting. It makes me even more self-conscious when I don't talk than when I do talk and fumble over my words. I did find solace in the fact that Johnny Carson, The Johnny Carson, was just as awkward as I am in a social setting. It was said that he could only be who he was when he had an audience, but if he was put in a small group and was expected to chit-chat, he couldn't do it and he wouldn't do it. I guess i'm not the only person with a problem.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 24, 2006 at 4:59 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.