30 Something

I was propositioned today. Okay, back up let me tell u what happened...I've signed up on a couple of singles dating websites because I don't know where my current relationship is going, and so far I've gotten a couple of response, but today was the most "not me." A guy imed me to ask me, "do u meet cples..." so I responded, " maybe, what r u lookin for" just to get a clear understanding of where he was going w/his line of questioning, well he went on to explain that he and his girlfriend wants to find a single female to "have fun with." Okay.......................... So I started to engage him more in convo just to see if he would spell it out for me, but unfortunately someone walked in to talk to me, so he left. I just don't know about me and the whole gay bi thing. First I wouldn't even know what to do. Of course I've seen a few menage twois, but I don't think I can do it. I'm even brave enough to say that I've fantasized about other women a time or two, but I just don't think that I can physically do it. I don't even think that I can talk to another woman or even look at another woman like that. So I don't thin I would be finishing the convo with him. I'm just not feeling it. It's just not me.

On last week I was sick. My bf was sick also. i totally believe that we are connected spritually because he's been shady and I hadn't spent time with him at all besides borrowing his car to go to work on the day that he stayed home in bed, so how did I catch his cold. Okay, I really don't know if I got it from him but we both ended up sick at the same time. So, we didn't spend anytime together which made it two weeks with no kisses, hugging, nooky, etc. So I finally got time to spend with him on Sunday afternoon and evening. The whole time he played video games. Did I care? NO, I didn't care one bit because I was just so happy to be with him and to get some nooky. The next day I put a little note on his desk telling him that I really enjoyed our time together and telling him that he is the love of my life. But then a day later I see him with another girl that I'd really not care to see him with. My poor poor heart. It's torture. But I let it go because of course It's all my fault. I want to ask him if we are totally over because I can leave him and move on, of course he is the best I've been with in bed, so that will be hard, but emotionally I can detach. I'm so scared to ask him though, but I think it's that time. I think I need closure on this rollar coaster ride and I think that today is the day that I will do it....


To Be Continued.

Okay, I have never felt so imcompetent in my life. What's the biz? The crazy thing is that this has been going on since November, so I'm really beginning to think that I don't know how to do my job. I've been here for almost 4 years and I'm just now screwing up. I've been trying to put two and two together to figure out why, but the only thing that I can come up with was the fact that for two month's last semester I was off work. I didn't think about my students, I didn't think about what I was missing, I was away and since then I've been screwing up. Or maybe I was screwing up before then, but no one thought enough to mention it to me? Here's what's going down...

I've beenworking with a student who is absolutely nuts. He's always complaining about what's not going well. He has a very bad attitude, but I deal with him. I think he respects me or something because I keep hearing about how he tells the instructors off and blows up in their face, but he doesn't do that to me. So, he's been struggling with his math class. Well face it everyone struggles with math, but he is beligerant. He's been causing ruckus in the class and is disrupting the flow, so the instructor comes to me to inform me that he is not supposed to be in the class. He didn't have the prerequisite, however, I was unavailable so the instructor told my co-worker. My co-worker told me. So, I look up his record and I find that I registered him before the semester was over, so I had no way of knowing that he was not passing the previous math class. The grades come out over the summer, but I didn't look his grade up to see that he needed to be dropped from the math class that he was registered for. So, technically he doesn't have the skills to pass the math class that he's in. Of course who gets the blame....MOI. Well, I'm not taking the full blame because we need a system in place to kick students out of certain classes that they haven't fulfilled the prerequisite for. Am I to be that system. How was I supposed to know that he didn't finish the class satisfactorally. So, here we go again. I'm sure they are going to call me into another meeting and tear me to shreds. I'm so tired, I think I just need to retire early and do some menial job that doesn't require a lot of skills. I just don't know...

Friday afternoon we had the stangest staff meeting. Items on the agenda:

Please arrive to work on time.
Please don't allow non-students to use computers.
Please leave children at home--directed at me.
Please come back from lunch on time.


These were only a few of the ridiculous things on the agenda. So after the meeting I'm called into my bosses office with her supervisor. She proceeds to accuse me of allowing a non-student to use the secretaries computer, notice on the list at the top I only confessed to the children at work thing because on last Tuesday, my brother and I had a fight which led to me having to baby sit my neice. The problem was that I was planning this big workshop with guest, food, etc. so instead of just going home I took my neice with me as I got the workshop together and left afterwards. So, I was dumbfounded as to what she was talking about with the non-student issue. So, she called a co-worker into the meeting to verify that I had done this. So, I had to think back two weeks, TWO WEEKS, to a time when it was 4:30 on a Friday and my brother was waiting on me to leave. No one in our office is computer literate enough to assist me with the task that I was completing so I asked my brother if he could assist me. He knew exactly what I needed and helped me. It took less than 10 minutes. My boss was in the office along with everyone else. NO ONE SAID A THING TO ME. I WAS DOING MY JOB. So after racking my brain to figure out what they were talking about I explained to them what I was doing. My boss insisted that I be written up because this was my second offense. I was floored. So I asked her why she didn't say anything at the time. She didn't respond. I asked to put in the written reprimand what my brother was doing. She stated that I needed to attach my reply to it. I did in addition to the fact that she had nothing to say to me at the time of the offense. I honestly think that my boss is either jealous of me or she doesn't like me. So, I've been job hunting because this is stress that I don't want to have to deal with. BE A WOMAN and TELL ME WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND instead of bringing it out in a meeting with everyone else. She's always talking about the "team", to me this isn't "team" behavior. To me you are looking out for yourself and only yourself. So, now I know that I need to be looking out for myself and only myself.

Over a year ago, my bf and I took a trip to Chicago to attend a friend's wedding. We didn't get a chance to go to the wedding because we got into a huge fight--not my fault....really. So, we ended up driving all the way back home. I was so upset and confused about the fight that I broke up with him. I then lied to him to get back at him. My lying caused him a great deal of stress. I didn't think it would, but it caused him to sit all night talking to a woman that I was jealous of. I kept driving by and there he was all night talking to this woman. Well, after a while things cooled off and we got back together. For a year he didn't talk to the woman, but I found out that he has been trying to take her out. That drives me up the wall. My bf is a very friendly guy and most woman adore him, but he's always made me feel secure, but I don't know about this woman. She's really pretty and she seems to have it together, but he's drawn to her. So I've been trying to get some info on their "status". I don't want him to be friends with her.

My brother totaled my car. I've been getting rides and catching the bus to work. This is really going to stress me out because I can't afford a new car. I hope they at least give me $4000 for my car. It was a 2000 Hyundai enlantra. I'm so sad that it's gone. I'm going to have to get another job to buy a new car. The weird thing is that two years ago my oldest brother broke his foot, a week later my younger brother broke his foot. My older brother got into a car accident two weeks ago, and now my younger brother got into a car accident.