30 Something

So, I've been dating this new guy. He's cute and funny. He has two children (I think) and maybe one on the way. So, as we've been getting to know each other he's starting to remind me of a guy that I dated awhile ago. I have to post my yahoo 360 blog here to make a reference to the guys that I've date. Well anyway, we've hung out for two weeks now and we decided to "get together" a couple of days ago. He is absolutely horrible in bed. I don't know what to do. He's really small and he doesn't know how to "read" me. I'm the type of girl that likes to take some time and enjoy what's going on, so I won't "get there" for a while. Well, he conks out before I can even get close. But I do have to give it to him, at least he continues to try to get me there buy other means, but I've tried to leave my toys out to give him a hint. We can use those and they are a tried and true means of "getting me there". But, apparently he doesn't get the hint. It was practically in the bed with us and he never touched it. I need a guy whose not afraid of my toys. If he would have used his mouth for something other than talking I wouldn't have been so disappointed. I do like the fact that he talks to his children. He came in yesterday with his son and his daughter and was talking to his son about the streets and how he needs to avoid the gangs and do positive things. That made me proud. I don't ever remember my ex talking to his son about anything other than yelling at him. So that was a positive thing, however, I'm not sure how long I can put up with him. Another thing that turns me off is the fact that he smokes. Okay, I don't have anything against smokers, but a mint is in order if we are going to kiss. That was a big problem with my ex. I can't stand kissing an asstray.

So, I told Appleton, that I haven't been answering his calls because I've been talking to my ex about getting back together. He went into overdrive.

him: Good Morning
me: morning
him: Just wanted to say hello
me: i didn't call u back last night because i was on the phone with my ex and he's talking bout getting back together and we had a long convo last night
him: Really so what you going to do??
him: Get back with him
him: Cause if so that sucks
me: not sure, we just been talking bout the past and what happened
him: I know I can make you very happy
him: Baby you and I both know we have alot to go off of and I dont want to lose that I really do care for you alot
him: You are my angel
me: u r sweet
him: Baby I will treat you liuke a queen I know I will
him: Plus I know you care for me
me: i do care about u
him: When dont give up on us baby
him: U know I can be the man for you or you wouldnt have fallen for me I know this cause I have fallen for you
him: You make me smile when I talk to you
him: I get jellious when I think of you with someone else. I normally dont do that
him: I see signs that you mean alot to me
him: I have been writing again
him: I been working out again
me:
him: SO dont give up on us
me: i won't
him: You are my shining star in a dark nite you guide me through the nite
him: I love our late nite talks
him: the way you laugh there are so many things I could keep going on
him: You knhow I told you I wanted someone that could love me as much as I could them remember that and you said you wanted the same thing. Well I think that is you and I
him: there is a reason god brought us together
him: the chances of us meeting the way we did and where we did was all timing
him: I normally dont write to people there put I wrote you I was on the site twice when I signed up and when I wrote you. In facted I wasnt going to write you but there was something that made me come back to your page three times and then I wrote you
me: i hear everything u saying and it's not in vain. i just need to think about what i'm going to do
him: I was going to but up my poems I wrote for you I will do that when I get time
him: Baby you know you want to be with me and I want to be withyou
him: So dont leave us behind
him: Well you are my angel my queen if you want what I can give you I am here for you. I have put anyone that was interested in me off cause I told them I was into you. I thought you felt the same
me: i did feel the same, but i have a past with him and i can't just ignore that. i'm going to think about what i want and what is best for me. there are advantages and disadvantages to going either way and i need to decide what is best for me. i'm not going to just give up on u, but i'm going to think about what i want
him: I know in my heart I can give you all that you want
him: You know wha tyou had with him and you arent with him for a reason I was brough in to your life for a reason
him: And it wasnt to waste time LOL
him: Well got to go boss wants to have a meeting
me: k
him: Later sweetie I do really miss you and am always thinking of you
me: miss u too
him: LOL
me:
him: And remember that isa my pussy
me:
him: My name is on that LOL


okay, I wasn't expecting this at all. I've never met him in person, yes, we've been talking on the phone and chatting online since Dec. but dag. I'm a little worried about his motives. I don't even know if we would like each other when we meet. He lives in WI. That's a long way from home. The thing that really disturbed me was that he stated the he knew that he could make me happy. I wanted to tell him that he didn't know me well enough to be able to make that decision. He's pretty bold.

So I logged onto yahoo messenger and my uncle was on. So he asked me if I heard about Gwen, my 15 year old sister. I said no, what happened. I braced myself for the worst and the words, "she's pregnant" appeared the the chat box. I couldn't breathe. Then suddently "just joking, haha" popped up. He got me. He got me good because I was just about to leave work and go mourn. I know teen pregnancy is a norm in these days, but that is the problem. Not a lot of people are crying against it. So I definitely going to call my little sis today to demand that she not have sex. Of course I was her age when I first lost my virginity, but that's beside the point. I was spared by God. I made it out of the teen years without that type of burden, but it wasn't easy. I had a few scares myself. Plus, I didn't even know what I was doing. I didn't experience good sex until I was 19. So it pays to wait.

In other news, I bought new glasses online because i'm cheap. They came in the mail today. The look really really good, but my vision is crazy. It looks like the world is on of those wacky mirrors at the carnival. Everything is warped. So I called the place and the customer service rep told me that I need to get my eyes checked by my doc because since my prescription has changed there may be a problem with the prescription. He then told me that I would have to pay for new lenses if the perscription has changed. Bummer. I was trying to save money. Of course it would only cost about $15 more, but I can use that money for my many spurges. Lately I've been spurging on underwear. I've bought several cute pairs of boyshorts and matching bras. Underwear is not cheap. My latest set is this cute orangish color. Really sexy. I need to leave my debit card home the next time I go to lunch window shopping. It's true u can't go shopping with money in ur pocket.

My ex is going to visit his MI gf. I'm not happy about that. But I have been seeing a new guy. He's not as good as my ex, but he'll do. I like him. The guy that I met at the martini bar the other day told me that he was married. I specifically remember him telling me that he was divorced. I must have wanted to hear that. Maybe it was the lemon drop martini that was telling me that. But I could have sworn that he said that he was married. Dag, he was cute to. I told him that I didn't like the fact that he was married and that we could hang out, but no fooling around. I respect the sanctity of marriage. I'll go out and have fun, but I'm not going home with u or I'm not taking u home.

create your own visited states map

I met this thug n*gga online on myspace. So in desperation on last weekend I asked him to meet me at the martini bar. He said he couldn't because he had his daughter with him, but later that night he showed up while i was talking to this other guy. So he introduced himself as the guy from myspace. So yesteday we went to lunch. We had a really good lunch and I didn't let him pay for it because I wasn't sure about him. It was crazy because I orded a drink and it was really good so i told him to taste it. He picked up my glass and tasted it. I was going to get him a glass. That shook me. I couldn't believe it. So we talked on the phone and because I knew he was ghetto I asked him if he smoked. Not cigs. So yeah he got excited and talked about having some Bin Laden. Not sure waht that was. The next thing I know, he's knocking on my door. So I let him in and he's pulling green out his pocket and I'm like, "whoa, I don't smoke." So he explained the he misunderstood my general questions as being interested. I told him that I don't like to smoke, I've never smoked and I'm not trying to be around it cause I can't breathe. I'm all for lung health. So he started talking bout how he has to hustle and gave me this long story of his life. I asked him bout his baby mammas. He gave me a long story bout them. Well, he's waiting on a paternity test for this new baby. So he's not sure if it's his. So as he's talking in my mind I'm thinking, "okay, drama a lot of drama." He reminded me of a guy that I met before my ex. I started to not like him, but he was charming in a ghetto sort of way. So I began to flirt with him. Why? I don't know. Because my ex is seeing someone else, because my ex is going to visit the slut in MI, because my ex keeps blowing me off and he doesn't love me anymore. I feel like I'm being destructive with this guy, but for some reason I can't stop myself. So we talked and he gave me the best massage. Okay, it may have not beent he best, but I haven't had a massage lately and I desperately needed one. So at the same time that he was there Appleton kept calling me. After ghettoboy left, I called Appleton back and he got into a tissy because he knew I was with another guy. I told him that I was and he told me that I didn't have to call him anymore. Whatever! Like I'm sad.

It's evaluation time at work. I absolutely hate it. Our evaluation consists of 10 yes or no answers and there has to be a comment.

Of course the answer to all of these is a yes for me. Like I'm going to say no. If I was to answer honestly, my evaluation would look like this:



Employee is focused on students and serving others. (Accountability, Commitment, Respect) Yes__X__No____

Comments But not always, sometimes I don't pay attention to my students.

Employee is sensitive to individual needs of students and other employees. (Diversity, Respect)
Yes_x__No____

Comments sometimes. not sure what needs of other employees

Employee treats others with respect. (Accountability, Diversity, Respect) Yes____No__x__

Comments not all the time. i disrespect my boss, but not on purpose. she reminds me of my mom the way she does things. i feel like i'm a teenager all over again.

Employee exhibits dependability, honesty, and integrity. (Accountability, Excellence) Yes___No__x__

Comments i'm not honest all the time.

Employee works with others to meet departmental goals. (Commitment, Excellence) Yes____No__x__

Comment because i've been reprimended for helping out before. so i really don't want to help anyone else.

Employee seeks responsibility, shows initiative, identifies what needs to be done, and acts upon this information. (Accountability, Commitment, Excellence, Respect) Yes____No__x__

Comments done that before and got reprimended. not sure what to do anymore

Employee accepts, adapts, adjusts, and is flexible to new and changing environments. (Excellence, Diversity) Yes____No__x__

Comments i hate change. i want my old job back

Employee effectively plans and organizes work by setting priorities and adjusting them to meet changing needs. (Excellence) Yes____No_x___

Comments i shoot the breeze way too much. deadlines creep up on me

Employee takes initiative to understand the need of internal and external customers in all encounters. Attempt to assure customer satisfaction. (Accountability, Commitment, Diversity, Excellence, Respect) Yes__x__No____

Comments i do what i can, but i'm limited

Employee is able to prioritize and organize responsibilities by adjusting schedule to meet changing needs. (Accountability, Excellence) Yes__x__No____

Comments i like being flexible. that's one good thing bout this job

It's close to my home town. It's about $10,000 more than what I'm getting paid now. It's doing the same job, but with more work. I looked the program up and apparently I won't be bored because as opposed to where I am now, there are only two people in the department. Whereas here that are 4. So, I will be busy. I don't think I would have time to continue my bad work habits if I worked there. I really really really hope that I get the job. I really really really want a change.

Things that I do on the job, that I'm not supposed to...

1. Job search which includes filling out applications, typing and printing and mailing my resume.

2. Talk to my friends on the phone for more than 30 mins.

3. Call into the local radio show during contest.

4. Seach the internet for erotic stories.

5. IM all my friends all day long.

6. Chat about sex on im to random guys

7. Stalk my ex's e-mail.

8. Play Family Feud or any other yahoo game.

9. Put my feet up while I'm reading the newest book I picked up.

10. Spend hours reading the newest book I just picked up.

11. Iron my clothes

12. Shower

13. Leave to go to the store to to get lunch when I'm not supposed to

14. Apply make up at my desk

15. Eat at my desk

16. Pay bills online

17. Stay on the phone on hold for more than 15 min. when I'm trying to get some business taken care of.

18. Blog

19. Turn the radio up too loud.

Despite the fact that it tooks like I have a poor work ethic, I need to highlight some commendable things.

1. Arrive early everyday (it's rare that I'm late)

2. I skip lunch to work with students or a project that I'm working on.

3. Stay late to help a student or work on a project.

4. Don't miss work. (it's rare that I take a day off)

5. Don't take vacations unless it's a day or two to get my hair done.

6. Do other people job when they aren't here (even though I got in trouble for it before)

7. Pick students up for class or take them home.

Can you believe the next week is March. Man, where does the time go? Just yesterday it was New Years and I was working on my resolutions. I will be 29 in a little over 2 mos. I wanted to plan a big shindig, but the time is going too fast.

Stand Me Up Guy called me all weekend. Boooo. I finally told him that he could come to see me. He was late doing that. What kind of stuff is that. He said he would be over in 15 min. at 4. He didn't get to my house until a quarter to 5. He wanted me to kiss him. NO. He was trying to convince me that he would be good in bed. Booo. I'm not interested.

My ex stopped by yesterday. I was so happy. We had a pretty good workout. I wanted to tie him up and kidnap him. But I couldn't. Of course afterwards he had to leave. I wasn't too upset. I was just too damn happy to get some. I was in la la land the rest of the day. I'm feeling it today though. There are some muscles that can only be worked from a good "working over" and I'm feeling those muscles today. Man, I need a good neck massage ;).

I went out on Friday night with my coworker. After she told me that she invited her "friend" I decided that I didn't want to feel like the third wheel, so I invited this guy I met on myspace.com. He told me that he couldn't meet me because he had his daughter so I was dreading the evening. I decided to go early to get in a few drinks so that I could loosen up and meet some new people. Well, sure enouhg as were were lounging on the sofas, a guy across the room was staring in our direction. I wasn't sure if he was staring at me or not, but as I returned from the restroom he stopped me. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" What a line. I introduced myself and tried to run down a list of places that he may have seen me. We chit chatted a little bit and he offered to buy me a drink and I declined because I had a drink waiting for me back at our table. We talked the rest of the night. He was really nice and cute. He is older, but I'm okay with that. He's also divorced with two children. As the evening came to a close he drove me to my car. I got home and he called me. He wanted me to come down to sit with him for awhile. We sat in his car and talked. It was pretty late so I told him that I needed to get inside and he reached over and kissed me. It was good. I was surprised. It was pretty smooth. So he called me yesterday and we went to get drinks last night. He invited me to play pool on tuesday evening, but i'm not sure if i can with my volunteer job in the evenings.

So I met with one of my students and I did it again, this time with a twist. I put her into the right class, but I didn't notice that it was 1 credit shy of what was required. But I wasn't the only one that made a mistake. She applied for graduation and apparently the registar didn't realize that the class, which hasn't been taught in like 6 years, does not from the other classes in that category. So basically, she will be able to graduate. Of course it helps that she's way over the credits to be able to graduate. So I'm sure that made it difficult to catch. But all THANKS to GOD for allowing that to turn out okay. I did not want a repeat of last spring. I did not want the headache. Whew!! Now, that is something new that I need to watch out for.

My coworker keeps asking me to go hang out. I'm cool with her, but I just don't feel like haning out. I like to be at home. All the more reason to have a man. But I agreed to go to the Marini Bar tomorrow. I"m not sure how long we are going to hang out there, but I hope not long. I'm just in date mode and I don't want to hang out with anyone else besides a man because I want to be attached to him. Basically because I'm not a small chatter. I hate small talk. I like to either talk about something or cuddle and if I'm with a guy I can do either, but if I'm with my friends, I can only talk and most of the time I don't feel like talking. I need to take a class on networking or mingling because i'm not good at it.

I'm applying for a job near my home town. It's doing the same thing that I'm doing now, except the pay is better. I hope I get it.

So the guy that stood me up in like November has called me 4 times today and e-mailed me at least 5 times. I told him yesterday when he called that I wasn't interested. Basically, he has a gf, but wants to screw me. I told him that I didn't want to be the other woman and that I needed more than just one or two days a week of his time. He kept asking me y I wanted to be tied down to a man. Duh!! I want a man, not a f*ck partner. I can have that any time that I want. I want someone I can settle down with. What is his problem?

I haven't recouped from my weekend off of work. I'm still tired. Mr. Appleton and I continue to spend time on the phone, burning up many many cell phone minutes. He asked when I was going to visit. I don't know if I want to waste my time and money. I like him, but how serious am I about WI? I don't know. I want so badly to cuddle with someone and I just don't know about this long distance thing. I don't want to settle for someone that I really don't like, but I'm really getting to a point where I'm craving a man. I'm craving physical contact. I don't know if I was meant to be alone.

I was supposed to get my federal refund check in the mail on Friday and it hasn't come yet. Why? Because my coworker gave me the wrong routing number for my bank. So it will take two weeks from Friday to be rerouted back to me. That sucks because I need to pay some bills seriously. My ex is broke too. He basically told me that the next chance to get with him would be when he gets his refund back. WTF? That's like in three weeks. I'm not entirely sure why he specified after that date. But he went on to tell me that he's dead broke and behind on all of his bills. See, if we would get back together he wouldn't be in this perdicument. But no, he won't listen to me.

So I made plans to meet with Mr. Folgers from Bloomington on yesterday night. We planned to workout. It turned out to be a really good workout. My abs are really sore today. However, i was a little annoyed because 5 min. before Folgers got there my ex called. He wanted to come over. Oh, phoey. He would call on the day that I had a friend coming from out of town. I couldn't tell Folgers to come back in about an hour. I was so ticked. My ex said that we would plan to spend time together later. I told him that I would be waiting forever. He said that I wouldn't. I don't believe him. I feel like going into stalker mode.

In other news, Valentine's sucks. I can't remember a time when I had a really good valentine's day. I can remember buying myself gifts. I'm so tired today. I want to go back home and get back in the bed.

I went out on Sat night. I did'nt have a good time. I"m just not the club type. I don't fit in there. I didn't get a little wasted, but that was the only fun part. I met this one guy who tried to take me home. He was 26. My friends and I were going to get something to eat and I mentioned it to him and he told me that he couldn't be seen in public because he had a girl. WHAT? Who did he think I was? So I dropped him and jumped in the car with Marcus. And would you believe that he followed us to Steak N Shake. WTF? Didn't you get the hint? I left you! So Marcus and I had a good conversation. He's an executive chef. He's slightly older--38. Has been married and pays his ex-wife about 1100 in alimony. I"m not sure what he pays in child support. I'm sure it's a lot. But we had a good time talking. I'm not really interested in him, but I"m not sure if he could handle me.

So Ryan called to tell me happy v-day this morning. I thought it was sweet. I want to send my ex a card, but I'm not sure if I feel like it.

I just got an e-mail for a guy that stood me up like in November. He's asking me how work is going. Like I'm going to respond to him. Whatever. I've moved on. I wasn't very attracted to him in the first place. Basically, I only went out with him because he asked. He was way to pushy. He wanted to have sex and I didn't. So I'm not going there anymore.

In other news, my friend from Chicago cancelled on me for this weekend. There was a tragedy in his family. I'm sad, but my co-worker and I are going to go out on Saturday night. I want to get really drunk. We're going to Champaign. I hope I find a cute guy to dance with.

I've been trying to get laid by my ex. He keeps turning me down. I sent him a final plea today. If he doesn't respond favorably, I'll have to find someone else. I've been chatting with the married guy and we are supposed to meet to workout on Monday. I don't want to have sex with him at all. 1. I'm not interested in him. 2. He's married. 3. I'm not going to be a home wrecker. 4. I don't know his wife, but I respect her. 5. I'd be really mad if someone slept with my husband. So I'm not touching him with a ten foot pole.

Mr. Appleton and I are talking. We've been spending late nights on the phone. So I've been so tired at work. I'm going to tell him that I'm going to bed tonight. I need to sleep. All that heavy breathing has got me bothered :-).

There are a couple of dance classes coming up soon. I'm in need of a partner. I want to learn salsa and ballroom.

Oh, yeah and I need a drink really bad.

So I met this guy on match.com. Actually, I sent him an icebreaker on yahoo personals, but he didn't respong back. Then he saw me on match and e-mailed me. So we talked back and forth for a little while and it was a lot of chemistry. Then after about a week of not hearing from him, he told me that he and his ex got back together. That was disappointing. So now I'm chatting with neo from bloomington. Actually, he lives up near chicago, but he rents an apt in bloomington during the week so that he can go to work. I think he's married. We've chatted bout sex, but mostly I told him that I'm not interested in a casual sexual relationship because I'm still in love with my ex. So we've been talking bout working out together. However, I'm not sure if this is a ploy to get him in bed. We'll see. He's an older gentleman. My friends say that he's cute. I don't know. He's okay.

So I have't found anyone who is worth (really worth) my time besides to go out with. No one hits a particular nerve for me. There is an adjunct teacher who was just hired here who two of my friends have tried to hook me up with. He's a pretty boy. I'm not sure if I'm his type. He makes me nervous. I can't wait to find a man. I need someone to fix my closet for me :-).

So last week I was really tired and stressed out because of my work schedule, work, and Mr. Appleton. And since my ex didn't want to help me relieve some of my stress I suffered and a little cold sore popped up on my lip. It was gross. The worst thing is that it just popped up, no tingling or itching. I was doing a rather complicated tax return for a client on Thursday night and my lips were dry. It got some blistex to rub on them and rubbed my lips together and I felt this bump. I didn't know what it was so I ignored it. The next morning there was a full blown blister. Uggh. So I've been hiding all week. I ran to the store and got every home made remedy concoction know to man. Surprisingly the nail polish remover worked to dry it out really fast. Now that it's scabbed over I cover it with makeup to camouflage. I have a facial scheduled for Fridays so hopefully it would be mostly gone by then.

In other news, I still havent gotten laid. I went out with a guy a couple of weeks ago, but I was interested in him enough. It was our second date and he suggested, "we can back to your place." NO, uggh. I think he's okay, but I'm not interested in him like that. Mr. Appleton and I are talking again. I did decline my visit to WI for this weekend. I'm not ready to just jump into it with him yet. And my truck is broken, so I don't have the money to drive way up there. A friend of mine is coming to visit me from Chicago this weekend. I hope we have fun. I don't have much planned, but it would be good to have someone else in the house.

I sent my ex a bill for doing his taxes. His payment is a night of hot sweaty passionate sex. I'm not sure if he will pay up. I put it in to see what he would say about it.

Work has been really boring. I need a challenge, but it's not happening here. I want to move so bad, but I want to go back to school. If I can finish my certificate then move on. There was a job posted in Green Bay. If me and Mr. Appleton could hit it off I would move to Green Bay. (Sigh)