Friendship
As I was crying over the bat in my bathroom, I was yet reminded that I have no friends. I had no one to call to help me. I ended up calling the police and she called animal control. I had no one to help calm me down. I was alone and I cried....alone. I asked God why I couldn't make any friends. Now that I think about it, I've always had just one friend all throughout my life. In elementary school me and KG were bff. In junior high me and DM were bff. In high school me and TR were bff. In college me and HM were bff freshmen year. Sophomore year was horrible for me with friends and MM and I became good friends. After that I didn't have anyone that I called a best friend. I simply had people I associated with. When I moved to Decatur, again there wasn't anyone that I was friends with, I just associated with people until I met Mister. He was my bff and at that point I didn't need anyone, but since we broke up, there is no one besides Mere that I call friend who is really my friend, but Mere lives in Bloomington, so having someone to talk to all the time is non existent.
In leadership meetings we've been talking about relationships and how forming relationships are so important. My boss has been talking about the empty relationship that we have in our organization. I told her and my coworkers that I wasn't a "relationship" person. She let me know that it wasn't healthy. She let me know that this was a result of bad relationships in the past. Actually, I think it is a result of my childhood. My mom wasn't a relationship person. I was talkingn to my brother a couple of months ago and I asked to speak to my mom, he put me on hold and told my mom I wanted to talk to her. She replied, "what for, what does she want?" Mind you, I hadn't talked to my mom in a couple of months. I just wanted to say "hi, how you doing?" because I hadn't talked to her. So it has been easy to be okay by myself. It is easy to not have to negotiate with someone. I'm uncomfortable when I have to be close to someone. I don't know how to be close to someone. I need therapy.
In leadership meetings we've been talking about relationships and how forming relationships are so important. My boss has been talking about the empty relationship that we have in our organization. I told her and my coworkers that I wasn't a "relationship" person. She let me know that it wasn't healthy. She let me know that this was a result of bad relationships in the past. Actually, I think it is a result of my childhood. My mom wasn't a relationship person. I was talkingn to my brother a couple of months ago and I asked to speak to my mom, he put me on hold and told my mom I wanted to talk to her. She replied, "what for, what does she want?" Mind you, I hadn't talked to my mom in a couple of months. I just wanted to say "hi, how you doing?" because I hadn't talked to her. So it has been easy to be okay by myself. It is easy to not have to negotiate with someone. I'm uncomfortable when I have to be close to someone. I don't know how to be close to someone. I need therapy.
This entry was posted
on Sunday, November 02, 2008 at 1:11 AM.
You can skip to the end and leave a response.
» Post a Comment