I have no friends
I had a really good time at Wicked, however, unfortunately yesterday was a really good time to show me that I really don't have any friends.
When we got home last night, I made it to my apt. around 10:15pm. I had a lot of stuff to get out of the car so I mistakenly dropped my keys in the seat and locked the doors. So I was locked out. The first person that came to my mind to call was my ex because he's always told me that if I needed him to call him. So I called and he didn't answer the phone. So the second person that came to mind to call was Mike, but he was out of town so that would have been futile. So I text Mr. B. to tell him that i was panicing because i locked my keys in my car and I had a milion bags and it was cold and I did't know what to do. Of course I did know what to do, but I was paniced, so my brain wasn't working. I NEEDED HELP. Then this old man came up the stairs onto the porch and pretended to be looking for someone. I got nervous. Now of course he may have been looking for someone, but I'm a lonely girl outside in the dark, it's cold and I'm trying to get into a locked door. A good opportunity for someont to get me. So finally someone came to let me in. Now, I expected Mr. B. to come running to help me. I thought we were cool like that. But apparently not because he didn't even respond. So I called home at least try to see if my brother had my keys. No one answered the phone. I didn't have anyone else that I felt comfortable calling. I thought about calling Mere, but she lived way across town. Tammy was out of town so I couldn't call her. I thought about calling Cori, but I didn't feel comfortable. And finally I thought about calling Tonya. I didn't want to bother her because she has four young children and she wouldn't have been able to help. So there I was alone in the cold, in the dark, with no one.... So I finally called Mr. B and asked him why he didn't call me back. He said that he was out and about. What does that mean? He told me that the other day. I'm not sure what that means, but he's trying to tell me something, I'm not sure what. He told me that he would be over in 10 min. He showed up and sat in the car. By now I was at least inside the building out of the cold, but he didnt' call me or come up to see if I was okay, he just sat in the car. So I call him in the car and he didn't answer the phone. I was quite baffled. Something was up. So the tow truck finally came and I ran out and stood in the cold, Mr. B in his nice warm car, until he got my car unlocked. Afterwards Mike called me back, and my brother called me back, but no word from my ex. So I went over to Mr. B and he told me to get in the car. I was exasperrated. So I started rattling off how abandoned I felt and how I didn't have any friends and how terrible of a day it was. He tried to reason with me to tell me that I needed to keep my ins number in my phone or that I needed to buy one of those magnet things to put someone. Well, all of that was fine, but why didn't he help me. So I just decided that I didn't want to be the type of friend that he wanted me to be to him. Especially, since he was out and about and couldn't even respond to my text. So I need to make new friends. I need to be good friends to the girlfriends that I have because I need to be able to have someone to call when I'm in desperate need of help. I'm not close enough with any of my girlfriends to be able to call them in the middle of the night to help me. I had my ex for that, but apparently he's not available for me now. But, how do I make friends like that. All my life I've only had one best friend. I didn't have a lot of people that I was able to call and then when I got into a serious relationship I isolated myself from my friends because I had a man to fulfill the need of friendship and intimacy. So now that i don't have a man for that I need to make some new bonds. But I don't know how.
When we got home last night, I made it to my apt. around 10:15pm. I had a lot of stuff to get out of the car so I mistakenly dropped my keys in the seat and locked the doors. So I was locked out. The first person that came to my mind to call was my ex because he's always told me that if I needed him to call him. So I called and he didn't answer the phone. So the second person that came to mind to call was Mike, but he was out of town so that would have been futile. So I text Mr. B. to tell him that i was panicing because i locked my keys in my car and I had a milion bags and it was cold and I did't know what to do. Of course I did know what to do, but I was paniced, so my brain wasn't working. I NEEDED HELP. Then this old man came up the stairs onto the porch and pretended to be looking for someone. I got nervous. Now of course he may have been looking for someone, but I'm a lonely girl outside in the dark, it's cold and I'm trying to get into a locked door. A good opportunity for someont to get me. So finally someone came to let me in. Now, I expected Mr. B. to come running to help me. I thought we were cool like that. But apparently not because he didn't even respond. So I called home at least try to see if my brother had my keys. No one answered the phone. I didn't have anyone else that I felt comfortable calling. I thought about calling Mere, but she lived way across town. Tammy was out of town so I couldn't call her. I thought about calling Cori, but I didn't feel comfortable. And finally I thought about calling Tonya. I didn't want to bother her because she has four young children and she wouldn't have been able to help. So there I was alone in the cold, in the dark, with no one.... So I finally called Mr. B and asked him why he didn't call me back. He said that he was out and about. What does that mean? He told me that the other day. I'm not sure what that means, but he's trying to tell me something, I'm not sure what. He told me that he would be over in 10 min. He showed up and sat in the car. By now I was at least inside the building out of the cold, but he didnt' call me or come up to see if I was okay, he just sat in the car. So I call him in the car and he didn't answer the phone. I was quite baffled. Something was up. So the tow truck finally came and I ran out and stood in the cold, Mr. B in his nice warm car, until he got my car unlocked. Afterwards Mike called me back, and my brother called me back, but no word from my ex. So I went over to Mr. B and he told me to get in the car. I was exasperrated. So I started rattling off how abandoned I felt and how I didn't have any friends and how terrible of a day it was. He tried to reason with me to tell me that I needed to keep my ins number in my phone or that I needed to buy one of those magnet things to put someone. Well, all of that was fine, but why didn't he help me. So I just decided that I didn't want to be the type of friend that he wanted me to be to him. Especially, since he was out and about and couldn't even respond to my text. So I need to make new friends. I need to be good friends to the girlfriends that I have because I need to be able to have someone to call when I'm in desperate need of help. I'm not close enough with any of my girlfriends to be able to call them in the middle of the night to help me. I had my ex for that, but apparently he's not available for me now. But, how do I make friends like that. All my life I've only had one best friend. I didn't have a lot of people that I was able to call and then when I got into a serious relationship I isolated myself from my friends because I had a man to fulfill the need of friendship and intimacy. So now that i don't have a man for that I need to make some new bonds. But I don't know how.
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on Thursday, March 16, 2006 at 8:33 AM.
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