30 Something

A couple of months ago I sent a proposal to my boss to start a leadership institute that would involve hosting a student leadership conference for local high school students. It was shot down due to the fact that we are government funded and I would not be able to provide services for those students. So, on today I overheard a little birdy saying that my boss was not going to be able to provide services for the students that she has been seeing for the past two days. Did my ears deceive me? She was what? Okay, I don't know for sure but I think there's some incongruence going on. I'm not sure what to do. I was thinking about asking my boss if she was assisting students who are outside the confines of our service. I don't want to assume...

I've been cooking dinner at my bf's house for the past two months. But on last week because of an all weekend cram session I didn't cook. So on Friday he im'd me to ask me if i was cooking on Sunday. I agreed to cook whatever he wants, but because it's been 100 degree weather lately, we were trying to figure out what would not create so much heat in the kitchen. We also discussed his move to a new place. I agreed to assist him with that task. So, I called him Friday evening to ask if he needed me, he didn't. So I called him on Saturday to ask what he had decided on eating. He didn't answer the phone. So on Sunday I got a call asking me to come over. We decided on dinner, but because it was going to take me a while he wanted a snack. I agreed to run to the gas station to get snacks to eat while the dinner was getting ready. I bought the snacks home and quickly turned to walk out to get to the grocery store. My bf: "Thanks." Me: "Yeah." my bf: "THANKS." Me: "your welcome." My bf: "I SAID THANKS." Me: "I SAID YOUR WELCOME." Now, I didn't think anything about this exchange except that maybe he didn't hear me the first time. He took offense to it and told me later that I had an attitude with him. Mind you, he has a window unit and a fan going in his room, of course he didn't hear me. So because of this exchange I had an attitude. He then went on to say that for the past two weekends I've had an attitude. I began to laugh because I didn't know what he was talking about. I couldn't read the paper because I kept laughing. I think that me laughing ticked him off. What made it even more funny was the fact that I'm reading this book called blink by Malcolm Gladwell. In the book he gives an example of how jumping to conclusions can cause us to make terrible decisions. I think that this is a case of jumping to conclusions. Also, I think that maybe he has an attitude about something and he's projecting that bad attitude onto me. I don't know. So, I e-mailed him to let him know that I was offended that he thought I had and attitude. He apologized, but then said that he thought that I've had an attitude all month. Not sure where that comes from.

I've been peddling this in my mind over and over again--my weight issues and what I need to do about it. Well, this weekend after buying three boxes of little debbie snacks and a half gallon of skim milk, I decided that i needed to quit thinking about it and do something. Actually my motivation came from watching Celebrity Fit Club. They worked hard to lose only a few pounds over a 17 day period. So, I figured if they could do it, I could. So I wrote out a 30 day plan. It was broken down into 5 day increments. I was supposed to start my first 5 days today, but I haven't. I want to buy a video camera so that I could keep a video diary. I haven't done that yet either. I did start kickboxing on yesterday. It was fun, but my shoulders and upper back was sore today. I'm going to try to do it again this evening along with some sit-ups. I really need to do sit ups because my lower back aches a little and I read somewhere that weak stomach muscles contributes to back pain. So, pretty soon I will be starting my journey to a new lifestyle.

I'm a member of the academic standards committee. Our monthly meeting was today. I rushed back to my office after lunch to prepare for the meeting. I copied an agenda and and shuffled frantically through and online folder of the items for the meeting. I was baffled. I didn't know what to take to the meeting besides the agenda. So instead of printing everything, I didn't take anything. Well, it was okay at first. Most of the people who were presenting brought their own items to share. So, I thought I was okay. Not! One of the presenters began discussing a memo that I didn't have. I began to panic, but decided to look on with the next person. He was a guest, he didn't have it either. So, I looked around the room to see that everyone had it except us. So, I sat through while they were talking making my notes. Along came the next item. I didn't have that memo either. I became embarrassed when the V.P. stated, "It's this one." I wanted to scream. I'm sure I look pretty imcompetent and unprepared. I can't believe myself.

I work in education so I always stress the importance of making education a priority at a young age. So, my mom called me to tell me that my little brother has failed the fourth grade and will be placed into special education. I know that some students struggle in school, but no one in my family has gone to special education. He is the baby of seven children. I'm not saying that we are genuises, but we've all did well in school. Some of us have applied ourselves more than others, but for the most part all of us managed to get through okay. So, I got a little ticked when she told me. She was just a little too blase for me. I really don't want to jugde her because I'm not in her shoes, but if he were mine, I'd be doing all that I can to get him assistance and not just leaving it up to the schools. She basically told me that he pretended that he couldn't read so he failed the test. I asked her how their system works. There if a student is placed into special education they are put into a special classroom. Here the system is different. The school tries to keep the student as integrated as possible so they may only be pulled out of class for special assistance on different subjects. I like our system better because there is a stigma attached to special education that can damage a student. I deal with students now at the college level who try to hide the fact that they've been in special education. They try as hard as they can to make it, some do, most struggle, but they do try and I do my best to help them. So I know the embarrassment. The label followed them and now at college they are trying to get away from it. So, i called my mom back with information on how she could get assistance for my little brother and my sister. She was happy to get the information, but I think he needs for her to sit down with him at home to help him with his work. Of course she may not be a specialist, but it's the fourth grade. I know it can' t be too difficult. I think she also needs to consult with the teachers to see if there are special techniques that she can use at home to help him. It drives me nuts that she won't take the TIME to invest into her son.

My normal routine is to wake in the morning at about 6:30. The tv is usually on the lifetime station so mostly I wake up to Denise Austina and I comtemplate getting up to join her. NOT!! I know I need to, but it's very unusual for me to get out of bed before 7:00 to do anything productive besides pee. So, I linger in bed and most of the time I fall back to sleep. I'm usually roused awake by the theme song of Designing Women. By that time, I'm a little upset because I slept too late. It's usually 7:30. My plan is to get to work at 7:30 so most days I'm late (not really, I don't have to get there until 8). Mostly I make it to work at 7:45. I usually have my clothes ready at night and I have my overnight bag packed with my toiletries so that I can get dressed at work. It's easier to get dressed at work because if I tried to get dressed at home I wouldn't get to work until close to 9:00. So I take my things to work and get dressed there. We have a locker room and I have an iron that I keep at work for those days when I don't really feel like ironing my clothes at night. So, the first thing that I do when I get to work is wash up or shower. I'm usually done by at least 8:15 and I go to my office to get dressed. So, basically I'm never late to work. I'm just down the hall getting dressed. I'm not sure what my co-workers think of me coming into my office in my gym clothes, but I'm sure they think that I've been working out. So I put my clothes on in my office and commence my day at about 8:45. I justify it by not leaving my desk for lunch. So, I'm not really skimping on my hours at work.

Well, recently, I took my car to get serviced for a recalled part. In addition to checking the part they told me that my axles need to be replaced and that it wasn't a good idea to drive my car. So, I've been relying on my bf to take me to work. No, big deal right. Well, I spent the night at his house on Sunday and my job is to iron his clothes for work. I like to do that in the evenings so that I can sleep a little longer in the morning, but I didn't do that so I have to wake up early to iron his and my clothes. We finally got to work at about 7:40. As the day progressed I became tired--sleepy tired. I thought I would go to bed early, but I didn't. So, this morning he calls and says he will be at my house at 7:20. I went through my usual routine--listening to Denise try to corrall me to get up and move, but I wasn't fazed by her promises for thinner thighs. But, I did get up at 7:00 because I knew I wanted to wash up at home. I didn't want him waiting on my so I quickly got my things together. Surprisingly this was the record for a person getting ready because I washed up and got all my things together in like 5 min. So, I had time to iron my clothes, put them on, and even to find some perfume to put on. This was all before I called him at 7:17 to ask if he was coming to the front door or the back. So, 7:20 I'm downstairs waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. It was raining too and the humidity and moisture did a number on my curls. He didn't show up until like 7:30. I was pissed beause I could have had that extra time to sleep. So anyway we get to work at about 7:45. I get to my office with nothing to do because I'm already dressed (well, I do have to iron my blouse under my jacket and change my underwear--i wore the wrong underwear for these pants). It is not about 8:20 and I'm so sleepy. I want to fall out of my chair and go back to sleep. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. My car goes into the shop this evening. I'm not sure when it will be ready, but my body can't take getting out of bed anytime before 7:20. I can't work under these circumstances.

For some who know me I have this mental problem. If you give me a task to do or give me a new rule to follow, my brain doesn't comprehend it until I can understand the "big picture." I'm what you would consider a "global learner". Until I can see the full picture of the puzzle, I'm not going to be able to put the pieces together. This has caused problems in my relationship with my bf. He has basically told me that I don't need to understand everything, I just need to accept things. Well, I object to that because it's not that I'm trying to understand everything (well kind of but not really), but I'm trying to understand the things that relate to me. If you tell me to jump, I want to know why, what for, how long, how high, which way, and any other info that you can give me before I jump. Basically, I want to make sure that I give you what you want because sometimes when you tell a person to jump, they jump the wrong way and you end up jumping for them because they don't know how to do it the way you want it. So, that's one of th reasons why I'm need to understand, but I've also been trying to explore other reasons for my behavior. (I need to understand why I'm like this), so I've been doing some soul searching. I've realized that if i'm given a task to do, I'm not going to perform at peak if I don't know the reason behind doing the task, or how the task will be profitable to me (meaning if it's something that will benefit my work, job, life, etc or if I'm just doing it to spin my wheels). If I'm told to do something most of the time it's half done or not done to the asker's liking and later when I find out the reason for doing it, it clicks. Usually, the convo in my head is, "Oh, that's why I had to do that, I need to do it over" hence asking the who, what, when, where, how, and why questions. I know that sounds crazy and that I should do the best at all times, but have you ever been in s situation where you were doing something just because and it served no purpose? Well, I've been in a couple of those situations and found out later that there was no reason and I put my all into it and then found that I wasted my time. It made me feel like what I've done doesn't matter. So, now I've grown to question everything. Also, I've been in the situation where I've put my all into something and found out that I was doing it for the wrong reasons (meaning I created my own reason for doing it and later found out that the purpose for doing it was not the purpose that I had in mind). So, because of that I questions everything because I need to make sure that the task that I'm doing is really something that I want to do. Otherwise I will be disappointed in myself for going along with something that I don't agree with. Another reaon for my actions is that there is no reason to do all that is asked to do. I work in an enviroment where we are asked to do things and sometimes I just forget to do it and no one notices. I also work in a environement where we are asked to do things and i do them and it turns out that no one sent me a memo stating that we don't do those things anymore. This goes on so often that it exhaust me mentally. I'm getting to the, "I don't care stage" and when I don't care you better believe that my all isn't being put into my task.

Lately, I've been staying in for lunch. Most people know that this is unusual for me, but with the gas prices being high and not having anywhere to go, I usually just stay in my office and read. So, today I was really hungry and I didn't feel like going to the bank to get money to go to lunch, so I raided my change stash and found that I didn't have enough to get lunch at work (unless I got a grilled cheese or something which would have made me mad). So, I remembered that my bf was going home for lunch and I quickly called his house to ask him to stop at our favorite fastfood place to get me a burger. I asked him if he had time. He hesitated and then said yes. After a while he got back with my lunch. I im-ed him to thank him for bringing me lunch and i mentioned that i was too lazy to leave to get lunch. He didn't im me back. I know in his mind he was thinking, "This b**ch got me going out of my way to get her lunch because she was too lazy to get it herself." But, I was thinking that he would have said "no" if he didn't think he had time, but he agreed to it, so I didn't feel too badly. This tells me that he still feels something for me, right? I know I've done stuff for people, not because I wanted to, but because I was being nice, but mostly if I don't have time to do something I'm going to say "no" and I don't think he was doing it just to be nice. Well, only time will tell.

IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Carribean Islands

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
I still have an old house robe that I've had since 4th grade.

THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
I haven't bought a CD in a long time, but I did download Patti LaBelle and Ron Isley song.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
I wake up at like 6 or 6:30, but I stay in bed as close to 7:30 as possible.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
I just bought a new food processor. I'm amazed at how much time it saves. I want to buy a food saver, but I'm a little low on funds these days.

IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Piano

FAVORITE COLOR?
Red, Black, Gold, Silver

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
Sports Car

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
With my savior, Jesus Christ

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Anything, Dr. Suess

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
I love all of them

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Read minds and controll people

IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
None, but I want to get at least one, but my bf told me not to. I want to get my belly button pierced soon.

CAN YOU JUGGLE?
No, i've tried, but I can't manage it.

THE ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND
TALK TO ?
My old roommate, so that I can apologize for being jealous and mean to her. I wrote her a letter, but didn't have her updated address, so I didn't mail it.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Any day on the weekend.

WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR/TRUCK?
jumper cables, gas stuff, gas can, rubber car rugs for the winter time

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
cheeseburger

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
Sunflowers, Roses, Tulips, Lillies

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
I'm digging fish now, any type of fish.

WHAT DANCE BEST REPRESENTS YOU?
I tried bellydancing and i loved it, but I'm not much of a dancer.

IF YOUR NATIVE LANGUAGE WASN'T ENGLISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
French/Spanish

IF YOU COULD BE ANY DEAD ROCK STAR, WHO WOULD YOU BE?
I wouldn’t

WHAT WOULD YOUR DREAM JOB BE IF MONEY WERE NOT IMPORTANT?
Someone that is funny and humorous and always entertained people

WHO ARE YOU MOST LIKE - YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER?
Mother

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK AND WHY?
Bible because it teaches me about life even though sometimes it's a struggle to make myself read it. I also love African American fiction.

FAVORITE "CLASSIC" TV SHOW (favorite episode)?
Cosby show, I love lucy, Law and Order, not sure if that's a classic yet

IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Tiger, powerful

DO YOU PREFER BLUE OR BLACK INK?
Black

IF YOU FOUND $10,000 IN THE STREET, WOULD YOU TURN IT IN?
To who??

WHAT EMOTION DO YOU WASTE THE MOST TIME ON?
Worry, Broken Heart, sad, lonely

ARE YOU AFRAID TO FLY, OR DO YOU LIKE IT?
Not afraid to, but I don’t like to either.

Well, my warming up my blockbuster card was not in vain. I rented four movies. I called my bf on Sunday to ask what he wanted for dinner. At first I wasn't going to call him, but I didn't feel like playing the who's calling who game. So we spent time on Sunday. On Monday he told me to leave because he was leaving and he didn't trust me to stay at his house alone (I tell u why later). So I left and didn't expect him to call me back. Well he called me at about 10 to tell me that he bought me dinner, but he didn't want me to spend the night. I was cool with it because I wasn't counting on him to call me anyway. So, I went on about my business. He called me back at around 11 to ask me to come over. AAAAHHHHHHHHH! I was excited, but I was also a little ticked. But I went anyway, however, he got mad at me because instead of going to bed I turned the tv on at 12:30 am. I wasn't tired. I was also trying to snoop through his mail to see who the Sally woman is. So, he woke up and I apologized for waking him up. I finally went to sleep around 2:30. I got up at 6:30. Not much sleep.