30 Something

I picked my friend, Mike, up to run an errand. As we were driving he points to a woman crossing the street and tells me that she's a prostitute. He then goes on to explain that the he's been really good frinds with the woman, but never knew that she was a prostitute. He said that one day he was talking to his neighbors and he neighbor slyly mentioned that he was awfully friendly to the woman. Mike simply said that they hung out and that was all, but the neighbor kept suggesting that there was more going on. Mike then asked what the neighbor was talking about. The neighbor detected Mike's innocense and asked, "You really don't know her do you?" Mike questioned again what the neighbor was getting at and the neighbor sheepishly mentioned that the woman was a "night walker". Mike, still not sure what the neighbor was talking about, asked him to clarify. The neighbor then stated the the woman "sells it". Mike said that he was still a little unsure of what the neighbor was talking about and told him to just say what he was saying without trying to sugarcoat it. The neighbor simply said, "She's a prostitute." Mike said his jaw hit the ground. He said that he's had the woman in his house late at night watching movies and had her over for dinner and has treated her just like any other friend of his and never knew that she was a prostitute. He then said that he talked to the woman to ask her if it was true. The woman didn't answer him. She then told him that she thought he knew what she did. She told him that she's tried flirting with him, but he never caught on to it, so she just left it alone and figured that he didn't want "any" from her. He then told me that he wasn't going to have her at his house anymore. Initially when he said that I was little bothered. I asked him why could the woman come to his house before, but she couldn't come now. My thinking was that his neighbors already think that he's getting "some" from her and he wasn't so what would change now. He's already associated himself with a known prostitute. He said that it wouldn't "look right" for "her" to be at his house late. To me it wouldn't look right for any woman to be his house late, so if he knows that he's not doing anything wrong, then who cares what his neighbors think. So don't discriminate against her simply because she's a nightwalker. I could be having sex with him when I go to his house late and his neighbors don't know that. So what's the difference?

A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from Al on myspace. He was basically just speaking, but we got into a convo about why we aren't talking anymore. Basically, I told him that since he felt that I was inconsiderate then I backed off. Especially since he wasn't insterested in a long term serious relationship anyway. I then started getting text messages from him asking me what I was doing. The first one came on Thursday and I didn't feel like chatting with him because I just found out that my cousin passed away, but I obliged him anyway. He needed a place to crash for the weekend while he took his class here. I told him that I didn't mind him crashing at my place. On Sat morning at 7am, he calls to tell me that he's outside I let him in and go back to my room to go back to sleep. After about a half and hour he comes to my room, scares me to death because I was sleeping and didn't expect to wake up to a guy being in my room, and he gets into my bed. WTF? I'm not your woman, I havent'talked to you in month's and you think you can just get into my bed just like that. I was upset, but I was also tired so I just laid there moving his hands away from me. After he fell asleep I got out of bed, ate breakfast, and did some cleaning. Around noon he wakes up get's dressed and leaves. Fifteen minutes later he calls me to ask me why I had an attitude with him. We had this long conversation about why he hadn't called me in months and why he jumped into my bed and started touching on me. We came to the conclusion that we don't have the same relationship that we used to have. I'm not going to make any demands for his time and he's not going to expect me to have sex with him. So that was that. He then tried to kiss me. I didn't want to kiss him even though he kisses really well and I love to kiss. I hope he doesn't expect me to just call him up because I really don't want to.

I've been hanging out with magic fingers a lot more lately. We went to see X-men the other night and I really enjoyed it even though I barely remembered anything from the previous movies. However, since we've been hanging out, I've been having this urge to call him the wrong name. At first I couldn't understand why I wanted to call him somebody else's name, but then it hit me. He reminded me of an ex bf. When I was in college I dated a guy who was really athletic. He played football and ran track. He was awarded for his athletisism and eventually reaped the ultimate award of being drafted to the NFL. We dated from my sophomore year until my senior year when he was drafted. After he left I was heart broken. But I got over him; I moved on. Fast forward to today. Magic Fingers reminds me of NFL guy. Both of them ran track in high school and college. Magic coaches a girls track team now. He reminds me so much of NFL guy that sometimes I have an urge to call him the wrong name. I have to bite my tongue to keep from making a fool of myself. I haven't thought about NFL guy in a while. Every now and then I think about how he's doing, but I do that with all the guys that I've dated and had deep feelings for. Why is he coming up now. I want to enjoy magic, but i'm being hindered by flashbacks. It's not really fair to him either. I can tell that he wants to get to know me, but I'm holding back. So I'm afraid that I will miss the opportunity to really get to know him because I'm afraid that the outcome will be the same as with NFL guy. There should be a button to fix this. I should be able to push the easy button and erase the memories that I don't want to keep.

I'm not a myspace addict as some of my friends are, but I do peruse every now and then. To my friends dismay I haven't created any funky cool backgrounds or anything. I guess the real reason is that everytime I try to manipulate it it comes up wrong and I don't have that much energy and time to spend in figuring out what I'm doing wrong. I'm mostly only on there when my few friends leave me a random comment about why I don't participate like they do. Recently I was talking to Mister and he said he had a page. I was quite surprised. He usually doesn't participate in stuff like that, but he was on there with the absolute worst picture ever on his profile. Anyway, a couple of my friends have been telling me how they've been getting in trouble because of lewd or suggestive comments. One of my friends even said that she was going to take her page down because it was causing problems with her relationships. So I looked at Mister's page and surely one of his friends was the out of town chick that he sees every blue moon. Her myspace name is Smoke's gal. I was shocked when I saw that because Mister's yahoo name is darksmoke, so of course it was a reference to her being his girl. However, he's always advertising that he's single. She would leave him comments "I wonder if I will see you before u see this comment," "I miss you and can't wait to see you, " etc. Well, his new notch is a young girl that's on myspace also. She would leave messages that were just as suggestive. I logged on yesterday to see what he was up to, who his new friends were. I noticed that all his comments were gone. I laughed. It seems that someone has gotten into a little bit of a tiff on myspace. Smoke's gal told him that she couldn't do myspace with him because of all his other women. That got me to thinking about a comment that a guy that I met awhile ago told me. He asked me who I was seeing. I told him that I was single, but I had a guy that I hung out with every now and then. At that time Al and I were kicking it. The guy asked me who was getting the short end of the stick in that relationship. I asked him what he meant. Basically he was saying that I was giving it up to Al and I wasn't getting anything in return. Al had the upperhand because he was getting what he wanted. At the time I disagreed. I told him that Al and I had the conversation up front that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship because of his recent divorce. I told him that I made the decision to sleep with him knowing that it wasn't going anywhere. Even though I wasn't only interested in a serious I knew what what up. So in essence I was just looking for someone to hang out with and someone have a good time with when I needed to. However, it didn't last long which disappointed me, but I let it go. After seeing smoke's gal comments I realized that she's emotionally attached to him and even though he's told her numerous times that it's just sex. She couldn't handle seeing him mingle with other women. So who's getting the short end of the stick in that relationship?

Dag, I called whiteboy because I was bored with the hopes that he would entertain me without trying to kiss me. He said that he was upset at me because he felt like I wasn't being honest with him. Who me? He said that all we did was go to dinner and the movies and he would drop me off at home around 10. Well yeah, duh. What do you want? I asked him what he wanted from me because I wasn't ready to have sex with him. I told him that I didn't want to be at his house late because of that fact and that if he came to my place that late,he'd probably be upset because around that time, I'm in the shower and getting my clothes ready for work the next day. Of course he could have been like my friend Ty and sat in my room and watched all the tv he wanted while I was doing my thing, but I think Mr. Whiteboy wanted a piece of a** and he figured that I wasn't going to give it up like that. Well I wasn't. I'm pretty selective with who I sleep with now. Since Mister I've slept with 6 guys and 5 of them sucked (not in a good way). So I'm not going to waste my time on a fling that won't be good. Why am I wasting my time with Magic Fingers? Well, he's damn good. He's awesome. He's absolutely amazing and he's really nice to look at. This pic doesn't do him justice. His arms are much nicer and he has abs and thighs to die for. I'm always biting on him because I can't help it. So why would I just give this up for another fling that may or may not be good? I would say that I'm not a gambling woman, but I just played the lottery today, but I don't want another boring, no good sex partner. I've had enough.

I'm playing the lottery. I'm desparate. My coworker and I bought three tickets. So I was thinking of what I would do if we won. The least amount we could get from lil lotto is about 60,000. If I won that I'd pay my student loans and put a down payment on a house. If we won lotto we'd get about about 600,000. Of course I'd pay my student loans, buy a house and a new car, give money to charity--my church, and I'd start my own business and put a lot of it away for retirement. Mega millions is worth about 4 million. I'd do all the basics I stated before with the exception of the car. I'd probably buy my dream car--a bentley and save even more money for retirement. I'd also give a lot more money away to the local hospital, schools--i'd have my own scholarship, and I'd probably buy my mom a house. I'd do something really special for my Pastors. They are like my surrogate parents. Of course this is a pipe dream. Our chances of winning are like 1 in a million, but for a few dollars why not?

Whiteboy told me that he wouldn't date me if I was dating other pple. I was cool with that and agreed not to, even though I've had a booty call or two. Oh and I took a friend out for a b-day drink on Tues night, but it wasn't a date considering he's married. However, he has not called me since Sunday. It's now Thursday and our only converstion has been text messages. I text him on Sunday to ask what he was doing. He said mowing the lawn and doing laundry. I said okay and expected him to call me because we made plans to do brunch. He never called. Why didn't I call him? Because he was busy and I wanted him to call me when he was done. I text him on Mon to ask what he was doing and I didn't get a response until Tues when he text me back to say that he got home from work and went to bed at 6. I then text him yesterday to ask if he was talking to me or not because we haven't talked. He mentioned that he sent me a response on Tues as to what he was doing and he didn't get my response. So I'm a little confused. I haven't been in the early stages of a relationship in a while, but I'm sure the premise is to spend time together or at least talk to each other everyday. I'm not going to let it stress me out.

Magic Fingers and I have been spending time together. I don't consider it dating because it's just a booty call, but every now and then he'd make a reference to a relationship. Last night I was so tired that after dinner I was in the bed around 8:30. I wasn't fully sleep, but I was dosing. The phone rang about 11:30. I wasn't going to answer, but when I saw that it was him I jumped up. Of course if he calls me that late I know what time it is. So I got to his house about midnight and we stayed up really really late. I really enjoy spending the time that we do together even though we mostly have sex. But I'm not going to kid myself. I know his motives. Thus, my confusion when he makes references to a future. I guess he's a dreamer like me. I'll keep dreaming with the hopes that our dreams will come true.

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from my doctor's office. It was informing me that my current doc, Dr. Dana, has completed her residency and will no longer be my doc after July 1. She's been my doctor for about 3 years and I'm really sad. I feel like she's breaking up with me and she didn't have the decency to call me. I wanted to call her yesterday to tell her that I didn't want her to leave, that I couldn't live without her, that I needed her and that she should take me with her. The letter also informed me of the new doc that has been assigned to me, Dr. Mohammed Sodaminines or something like that. When it comes to doctors I'm a little prejudice. I don't like a foreign doctor that I can't understand. It's very probable that if I'm in the doc's office I'm not having a good day so having to try to understand what someone is telling me adds to my anxiety. Also I'm biased against male docs. I need to be comfortable enough to tell my doc everything and I can't do that with a male doc. I'm a little biased against old docs also, but not much. I like someone who is younger than 48, but older than 35. I find that I feel childlike with docs who are much older. That makes me really self-conscience. I'm not sure what I should do. I want to talk to Dr. Dana before she leaves and I'm considering making an appt with her just to let her know that I need her. I'm not sure if she's from this area because she was still in school, but I want to know where she will be going so that I could arrange to go if it's in the area. I think I'm going to be depressed. I'll break out the movies and ice cream later.

For some reason I can talk about my relationships on this blog, but lately when it comes to my job, I can't seem to type about it. Even though my job has been a source of frustrations and stress lately. So, I'm going to commit this blog entry to my job. I guess now that I'm sitting here trying to get it out, its not easy to put it into words. To make this easier I'm going to do this in question/answer format.

Do you like your job? Why or why not?
No, because I used to take on a lot of responsibility on my job. I jumped at the opportunity to be in charge of a project. I used to coordinate our fall welcome events, spring awards banquet, workshops, cultural events, CAS, and meet the needs of my students. Out of all of my duties I enjoyed meeting with students the least. But, it comes with the territory, so I do it. However, since my new boss was hired in 2004 she has taken over the fall welcome, spring awards banquet and when it comes to cultural events she doesn't give me a budget to work with. I'm just told to come up with events. I have no direction as to how much I'm supposed to spend per student. I get lost. I've asked her several times about the budget for the events. I usually have to get that information from the secretary. Also there have been occassions where she will come to me with an idea for an event and she will tell the secretary to look up information and then she will also tell me to look up information. So there would be two people doing the same thing. So instead of me being the leader in the task i have to share the task which causes problems for me because I get confused as to what I'm supposed to be doing especially since the secretary would be doing the same thing that I would be doing. Most of the time I drop out and allow the secretary to do all the work. I guess I'm a hog. I don't like to share. Recently there has been a turn of events. I've come to the conclusion that since my boss has taken over my job, my main concern would be the students, but that hasn't been the case. My main concern now includes blogging, reading, surfing the net, and job hunting. Because of this my students have not gotten the attention that they deserve. It's not that I don't like meeting my students, it's that they weren't the highlight of my job. I enjoyed coordinating the projects and my students gave me a good break from my projects. Also, I like to stay busy. I heard a quote a long time ago, "If you want something done, give it to a busy person." I find that to be so true with myself. If I'm not busy my mentality is, "I'll get to it when I feel like it," thus leaving way too much room for me to forget that I have something to do. However, if i'm busy I have to prioritize my task to make sure that everything is done. Therefore, I make sure that my task are done and done well. My job doesn't afford me the luxary of being busy now. Recently my boss has figured out that I'm getting paid to surf the net and blog, so she's assigned me the fall welcome event. WHAT? I don't want to do this. I could care less about these projects now. It would be like I have a new job all over again. I've expressed this to a coworker and she's been helping. Thank God for her because without her I would be dead meat.

What are some other things that bother you about ur job?

Tattle tales. I think I've just become numb to this, but my coworker and friend, Mere, can't stand that our secretary and another coworker are always tattling. We can't do one thing without one of them going off to tell the boss. I think I expereineced this first in the summer of 2004 when I got lost going to a college visit that I was supposed to meet my coworkers at. I was late, but I didn't tell them that I was lost. I was too embarrassed to. But surely the next morning when I got to work I heard my coworker telling the boss that I was so late. She didn't say a word to me. I felt like she was back stabbing me. But every since then I've had it in the back of my mind that she was a back stabber. Mere on the other hand fumes when they are tattling. She can't stand it.

Confusion: No one communicates in our office so there is constant confusion. I just sit back and listen to the confused directions that are given to people. I add to the confusion sometimes, but if I didn't I wouldn't fit in. On yesterday I told our secretary that I was booking a room for another coworkers workshop. Our secretary, later in the day, ask the coworker is she was going to book the room. The coworker was going to respond, but I spoke up and said that I was doing it. "Oh, Oh, okay," was our secretaries response. She heard me earlier when I said that I was doing it . Why cause the confusion. Another incident occurred when my boss told me to book a speaker for our fall welcome. I happily agreed. Two days later she comes back to ask me about my progress in the fall welcome planning. I asked her what she was talking about and taht I was only getting the speaker. She then said, No, you are going to plan the event. GRRRRRRRRRR. That's not what she said before. She didn't tell me about planning the even at all. She said book the speaker. Now I'm supposed to plan the entire thing. I don't want to. I didn't volunteer to do it at all. Why am I being assigned this task? Because I get paid to surf the net. Had she not said anything to me I wouldn't have known. We would have just has a speaker and no events.

I'm exhausted talking bout my job. I'll continue later.

Normally I don't put myself down and call myself names, but this is true. I'll explain later.

Whiteboy calls me on Friday to ask me out. I agreed to dessert and drinks. As the evening progresses he tells me that we need to talk. I've only been knowing him for a week. I'm not sure about this, "we need to talk" statement. He goes on to mention our little tiff that we had earlier in the week and then says that he can't continue to date me if I was dating other people. I tell him that at this point I wasn't dating anyone else anyway. Of course I don't count magic fingers because he's just booty call. I don't count my ex either because we haven't been together in ages. So technically at this moment I am in compliance with is "no outside dating" clause. As the evening went on it hit me that since I wasn't going to date other people that meant that he was my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. And this come right after my declaration to "Enjoy this Summer by having at least one "new and fulfilling" experience in June, July, and August" in the light of my newfound "i don't need a man to make me happy" mentality. So right now I'm feeling kind of awkward. I don't really like Whiteboy because he's so touchy and I'm not attracted to him. He seems a little possessive. I don't like that at all. I'm a little to independent to be put on a leash.

On Thursday night magic fingers did call me and I asked him if we could get together. He agreed, but that was after Cori called to ask me if we could go out for a few drinks because she was going to pull her hair out being in the house with her children for the past few days. I told her that I only wanted to stay out a little while because not only did I have a booty call to attend to, I had to get up in the morning to go to work. I got to her house around 9:45 and I was planning on leaving the bar at about 11:30. Around that time magic called and I told him to give me 20 min because I had to drop Cori off all the way across town. However, Cori wasn't ready to leave. A guy bought her a drink and she absolutely needed to finish it. I was it itching to get out of there and Cori didn't care. Or at least she acted like she didn't care. I understood her need to get out of the house, but she didn't understand my need to get laid. I think my need over rode her need. We mananged to leave at midnight. I got to his house bout 12:30. He was half asleep, but we did get it on. I called him on Friday night after whiteboy went home and got no answer. I called him Sat also. Man I 'm not sure what he's trying to tell me. I did call Mister on yesterday because I was feeling it, but of course he turned me down. I was kind of glad. However, he im'd me today to see if would could hook up. Dag!

I called Magic Fingers on yesterday afternoon when I got home from work. He didn't answer the phone. I was actually kind of happy that he didn't. I really didn' t feel like talking on the phone. I did leave him a voice message to call me back. He didn't. I wasn't too surprised. Besides the physical, we don't have much of a connection. Not that I don't want it to be a connection, It's just not there. So I was surprised when he called me at 11:30 last night. Of course the first thing that popped into my mind was "booty call". Well, I'm single and presently not getting any so I was up for one if he was. However, he called just to talk or something. He asked me if I was going to call him today. I told him I would. I also mentioned to him that he made me nervous. He asked why and I quickly changed the subject. The reason that he makes me nervous is the fact that besides our lack of connection, he's perfect. He's attractive, hard working, ambitious, and can blow my mind in the bedroom. I want to fall for him, but I better keep it safe. I'm not trying to go down heartbreak lane again. I'll call him tonight to see what he's talking bout.

Whiteboy text me this morning. We had a little tiff on yesterday. He asked me if I was dating other guys. I told him that I was. He got a little upset. Why? I have no ideal. Basically, we've only gone out twice and he has never mentioned to me that he wanted to date me exclusively so how was I supposed to know that's what he wanted. I told him that I assumed that he was dating other people too. He told me that he wasn't and that he doesn't date more than one person at a time. I told him that I needed to get to know him a little better and that I wasn't interested in having sex with him. He stated that he was fine with that. I don't know. I think he's a nice guy, but I'm not too attracted to him. We'll see how it goes.

My one year blogaversary was May 23rd. I'm celebrating with B & J Karamel Sutra.