30 Something

I can not wait until school is out. It's been a year. I just got an update on what happened to this student who caused so many problems for my class last year. He was caught trying to see drugs at school and instead of being expelled his parents transferred him. God don't like ugly. I had to realize that vengeance belongs to God and that I need to pray for him and his family even though they caused me so much headache.

Prom is tonight. I told my students that I would show up since I have all seniors. I"m only going to go for about an hour or so. My dress is all ready

I'm having an issue that comes and goes and I'm praying to God to get over it. The founder of the organization that I work for and I had a discussion about me becoming the Executive Director. I was excited and scared at the same time. I want to fulfil the will of God for myself, but I know that I'm insufficient of myself and that my sufficiency comes from God. She asked me who I would like to work with. I told her that the current staff person will do even though I didn't think that me and this person could work well together, but she knows more about the office than me and with my schedule I don't have enough time to learn everything. So I was ready to take on the role of ED, but I had my thoughts of what my duties would be so I've been trying to get into that role, but it's like she's in my way and she keeps doing things that I"m supposed to do, so I step back because I don't like to compete and in my stepping back I've become jealous of her because I feel that she is doing what I'm supposed to do. For some reason that spirit keeps attacking me and I hate it because I know what God is calling me to do, but it seems like I keep going back and forth in what I want to do. God, I need help!!!! The Bible says that jealousy is as cruel as the grave and I don't have the time or the energy to deal with that spirit. I need to know that I know that God has called me to this position and that I need to do what I am required to do, but I don't want to be selfish and I don't want to think that I"m all that because I am insufficient in myself--only God has given me what He has given me, it's not because of anything that I have done. God, help me!!! I was reading about King Saul and how David wasn't even the king and Saul was jealous that others recognized what God had put in him and Saul took his eyes off God and that spirit came upon Him and the spirit of God left him. God, please don't take your spirit from me!!! I've got to fulfill my purpose!!!!!

I've been tired lately because I have had to meet so many deadlines in the past two weeks. So this morning I get up at 9 because one of my students needed a ride to the hairdresser. As I get up I'm trying to make a few business calls to some people that I've been desperately trying to contact. I make a connection and my phone is beeping. Of course I'm talking to important people so I ignore it and keep talking. When I get off the phone to see who called, I can't believe my eyes. Mister has called me, or has he? I kept blinking thinking that it couldn't be real. He hasn't called me in almost two years. So I call him back and he doesn't answer. I hang up to listen to his message--"I'm in town and I wanted to stop by to see you, but I can't remember where you live." WTF!!! AAGGGHHHH!!! What is he doing? Why, why, why? I didn't know how to respond, so for the rest of the day I dealt with this anxiety of seeing him. I don't want to see him, I mean, my flesh does, but what will it benefit. I don't understand what he want. The last time I emailed him I asked him if he was bored becuase I wanted to know the reason for him contacting me--maybe he's run out of girls to cater to his every need, I don't know. He responded that he was involved in some things, nothing that I was interested in. Of coures this got me interested so I asked him good or bad and he responded that it was the same stuff that he was into when he was here, just now he lived in a bigger city, so there was more opportunity. That told me everything I needed to know so I decided that I wasn't interested and that I didn't need to be involved so I deleted all of his emails and the ones that were sent to him also. OMG, I don't know what to do besides pray.

Labels: Pray

Mister and I have been emailing back and forth for the last couple of days. Finally I asked him if he was bored. I needed to know why he was contacting me all of a sudden. He said that he was just involved in some stuff. So of course I inquired about this "stuff." He mentioned that is was the same "stuff" that he was involved in now, just that now he was in a bigger city, so there was more "stuff" to get involved in. I didn't like hearing about that so I just left it at that and deleted all of our corresondence. I don't think I can take communicating with him. He showed me a picture of himself bald and I didn't like the way he looked--almost evil. I hope he can leave this alone. I'm not interested, okay, I"m kind of interested, but I don't want to open the door. What is wrong with him, can't he just leave the past in the past. Dag.

Labels: old stuff

Mister text me last week to ask me to be his blackberry buddy. At first I didn't know who it was, then he text me a few days later and I remembered his number. I ignored his text because my phone won't text, so he decides to email me. Boy, I wanted to ignore him because I didn't understand the purpose of his communication. I text him back and it was simply small talk and then he asked me to keep in touch. I don't understand. I can't go backwards.

In other news,

I lost my jumpdrive last Saturday and I was set back on my work. I've got two weeks left in my class and I can't wait to finish. I love the class and I've learned a lot, but I'm tired and burned out. I can't wait until springbreak this week. I want to stay in bed, but I've got too much work to do.