30 Something

Magicfingers has fizzled. He won't return my calls. I guess it was good while it lasted. He is one guy that I would continue to see even though the relationship will go nowhere. Mr. B asked me if it was worth it and I told him that it definitely was. It's not everyday that you meet a guy that totally fulfills your sexual needs and you don't have to worry about the strain of a commitment.

*I did get a booty call last night. It was good. Yep, put him to sleep;)

I've got an interview today with the school district. I've been practicing my interview questions. I can't wait until I leave here. It's gotten so bad that I hate even saying "hi" to my boss. I fake and pretend to smile all the while knowing that I'm tremendously unhappy. On the other end of the spectrum I will say that I'm grateful to have a job because a friend of mine is visiting from Chicago and we graduated together and she has since gone on to complete her Master's degree and can not find a job in Chicago. She's here looking for a job. My uncle is in the same boat. He complete his B.S. degree in 03 and taught briefly for a private school, but can not find a job. He's going back to school to get a MSW, but he still needs a job. So I do thank God that I have income and I will hold onto to my job here until something better comes along.

Speaking of God... I have a friend who is baffled with the fact that I grew up in poverty (seven siblings to an alcoholic step-father who didn't finish junior high school and an emotionless mother who worked really hard to make ends meet) and managed to turn out to be a semi-successfuly young woman. She's so fascinated that she told me to write a book, which I've been planning to do anyway, thus my 50,000 words blog, which I will start up again later. I was talking to her on the phone and she was comparing herself to me in saying that her parents were pretty decent people--father a factory worker and mother a nursing home worker--who made a decent lving for her and her two sisters. She said that she didn't grow up in poverty, but she still didn't manage to "get to where I am." It fascinates her that I have a Master's degree, but I didn't have anyone in front of me encouraging me to read for things that seemed unthinkable. She asked me how I did it. At first I was a little unsure of what she was saying to me. I mean, my only claim to success was that I prayed that I didn't end up in poverty like my mother. I tried to tell her that there were ppl that i looked up to that weren't apart of my family. There is my aunt (not really my aunt, but I call her that) who was a principal at a middle school and she ran the youth department at our church. I looked up to her and she inspired me to go into education. I looked around poverty stricken E.St. Louis and saw some of my friends who's parents didn' "serve the God that I served" or so I thought, and questioned, "why do we have to live like this if they teach us in the Bible that God wants to prosper us." Prosperity meant that I didn't have to rob Peter to pay Paul. Prosperity meant that I didn't have to have my hand out, but that I would use what I had to give to those with their hands out. I was taught that and I believed it so that's what I strived for. I strived to use what God had given because I didn't have technical skills to make it, so I went to school. And I do believe that had it not been for the God and my prayers I wouldn't have made it this far. I told her that I prayed a lot when I was younger and the truth is that I did. I wanted to be an inspiration to my younger sister's and brothers to let them know that they didn't have to end up in poverty.

I met Jeff in May and I blogged about him being the man of my dreams. I later found out that he was married and quickly ended that relationship. He constantly im'd me and called me for about a week after I cut him off. That's been almost three months ago, but the last few days, he's been im'ing me asking to see me. Grrrrrrr. I really really really, I say again really don't want to see him let alone talk to him. Here's an example of his im's:

him (7/24/2006 10:58:48 AM): good morning
him (7/24/2006 11:43:11 AM): good morning
me (7/24/2006 11:43:17 AM): morning
him(7/24/2006 11:43:27 AM): how are you doing
me (7/24/2006 11:43:36 AM): i'm doing well. busy
him (7/24/2006 11:43:49 AM): awwww
him (7/24/2006 11:43:56 AM): how was your weekend
me (7/24/2006 11:44:20 AM): it was okay, went to the movies to see my super ex girlfriend
him (7/24/2006 11:44:44 AM): o ok, was it good
me (7/24/2006 11:45:13 AM): yeah it was a pretty good movie, i'm going to see monster house tonight
him(7/24/2006 11:45:19 AM): o ok
him (7/24/2006 11:46:52 AM): will u be free any this week
me (7/24/2006 11:47:07 AM): free when
him(7/24/2006 11:47:13 AM): any this week
me (7/24/2006 11:47:49 AM): not sure
me (7/24/2006 11:48:02 AM): i'll be out of town on wednesday, will be back on fri afternoon
him (7/24/2006 11:48:15 AM): ok
him (7/24/2006 11:48:19 AM): i really want to see u
him (7/24/2006 11:51:23 AM): i really want to see u
me (7/24/2006 11:51:37 AM): i'm not sure if i'll have time
him (7/24/2006 11:51:56 AM): next week?
me (7/24/2006 11:52:13 AM): not sure
him (7/24/2006 11:52:20 AM): ok
him (7/24/2006 11:52:28 AM): when u get a chance let me know
me (7/24/2006 11:52:37 AM): okay

him (7/24/2006 12:05:04 PM): want to be ate out in the morning
me (7/24/2006 12:06:57 PM): not right now
him (7/24/2006 12:07:37 PM): in the morning i said
me (7/24/2006 12:07:50 PM): i'm not a morning person
him (7/24/2006 12:08:04 PM): i would make it worth your whild
him (7/24/2006 12:08:06 PM): while
him (7/24/2006 12:08:18 PM): my tongue would go deep inside
me (7/24/2006 12:09:11 PM): i'm not really in the mood for sex
him (7/24/2006 12:09:19 PM): just give it a try
him (7/24/2006 12:09:23 PM): what time do u have to be at work
me (7/24/2006 12:09:28 PM): 8
him (7/24/2006 12:10:00 PM): u have your own office dont u
me (7/24/2006 12:10:13 PM): yep
him (7/24/2006 12:10:27 PM): want me to come there to your office with my tongue ready
me (7/24/2006 12:10:37 PM): nope
him (7/24/2006 12:10:46 PM): 7 am in the morn?
me (7/24/2006 12:11:12 PM): i'm not a morning person. i'm not usually up by then
him (7/24/2006 12:11:36 PM): just be clean and laying there, my tongue will wake u up
him (7/24/2006 12:12:38 PM): whats your number again?
me (7/24/2006 12:13:02 PM): i really don't want u calling me. my man would get upste
me (7/24/2006 12:13:05 PM): upset
him (7/24/2006 12:13:47 PM): i want to come there and give u tongue
him (7/24/2006 12:15:01 PM): i want to come there and give u tongue
me (7/24/2006 12:15:10 PM): that's okay
him (7/24/2006 12:15:25 PM): just give it a chance, all i want is 30 min of your time
him (7/24/2006 12:16:14 PM): thats all just 30 min
me (7/24/2006 12:16:46 PM): plus i'm not sure that i would be able to do that because i spend the night at my man's house a lot
him (7/24/2006 12:17:01 PM): are u spending the night tonight?
me (7/24/2006 12:17:12 PM): most likely yes
him (7/24/2006 12:17:21 PM): y cant i come do it inyour office?
me (7/24/2006 12:17:39 PM): cause there are other ppl that work in my office
him (7/24/2006 12:18:04 PM): u can close the door
me (7/24/2006 12:18:18 PM): but the secretary sits right outside my door
him (7/24/2006 12:18:36 PM): we can be quit, u can pretend i am there on business

him (7/24/2006 2:15:50 PM): so when and what time can i come in there and use my tongue on u
him (7/24/2006 2:17:54 PM): ?
him (7/24/2006 2:23:06 PM): so when and what time can i come in there and use my tongue on u
him (7/24/2006 2:23:08 PM): ?
him (7/24/2006 2:35:14 PM): so when and what time can i come in there and use my tongue on u
me (7/24/2006 2:35:59 PM): u r going to have to stop harrassing me
him (7/24/2006 2:36:15 PM): i'm not harrasing you
him (7/24/2006 2:36:32 PM): may that happen though please?
me (7/24/2006 2:36:49 PM): i've got a student here with me and u keep asking me the same question over and over, and my answer hasn't changed
him (7/24/2006 2:37:15 PM): i would buy u lunch or breakfast also
him (7/24/2006 3:44:23 PM): hello
him (7/24/2006 4:00:03 PM): still busy?
him (7/24/2006 4:12:10 PM): still busy?
me (7/24/2006 4:12:19 PM): yes
him (7/24/2006 4:12:24 PM): ok

My boss has been on vacation for two weeks and she will be back on Monday. I'm not excited at all. I'm going to hate to have to talk to her to catch her up on everything that's been going on. I'm going to hate her having to check up on me to make sure that I've done what I was supposed to do. The peace and quiet was good while it lasted. I do have my handy easy button to help when I need it. I guarantee I'll be using it all week next week.

Another thing that was good while it lasted was Magicfingers. We went from spending every night together to spending maybe two nights together, so I'm sure this relationship is fizzling out. While I was at her his house on Monday night I checked his text messages and there was one text from a woman asking him if he was coming to see her that night. There were text from other women also. So he may be out the door soon. I do know that I'm going to miss him. But I always have Mister to rely on, so I'm going to be seeing him this weekend.

A while ago, Mike called me and told me that he was depressed because the night before he went to watch a movie at a friends house. It got late and he fell asleep on the girls couch, but he had a rude awakening. He said that he woke up to him in her mouth and he was shocked and pleased at the same time. As much as he wanted her to stop he couldn't get his brain to tell his mouth to tell her to stop so he allowed her to finish him off and finish him off is indeed what she did. She then blew his mind by not spilling one drop. I was laughing with him as he was telling me, but he was really distraught. He then said that she wanted him to return the favor, but he came to his sense and told her that he wasn't going to do that and he left. He later explained to me that this woman was engaged to be married and she's tried to get with him before but he turned her down because he wasn't attracted to her. After laughing about the situation I told him the consciously he didn't commit a sin and that he shouldn't beat himself up about it because it happened and it's over, pray, ask for forgiveness and move on. He agreed, but still felt horrible about it. On Monday morning as I picked him up he was telling me that it happened again. This time with an ex girlfriend who is currently married. He said that she came to his house late at night saying that she and her husband was having issues and that she couldn't sleep. He talked to her for a while and then told her that he was going to bed because he was tired and that she could let herself out. Instead of leaving she decided to join him in his bed. Not only did she serve him, but they served each other for over an hour. He said that after she put him in her mouth, all morals flew out the window and he enjoyed himself. The next morning when he woke up, he said that his chest was sticking out and he was shamefully wearing the well pleasured look. He prided himself on his manhood because he hadn't had sex in almost three years and he was amazed that he lasted for over an hour. I'm not sure if he was boasting to me or not, but I'm sure there was a hint of boast in his tone. He wanted to tell me all about how she was asking him to "do something" for her. He mentioned it a couple of times and he said that he told her that he wasn't going to do it until he got married. He then asked me if I wanted to know what that "something" was. I immediately told him that that was unnecessary information. I really didn't want to encourage him because he's always portrayed himself as a highly spiritual person who won't fornicate, drink, listen to secular music, or do any other thing that is considered unholy by his faith. However, I can see his struggle. There was one night where he sent me a text that really bothered me. He sent me a text after midnight that said "do you need me to do anything for you tonight or soon? I'm available for anything you want." That, to me, at midnight is pretty suggestive. I was baffled. I didn't know what to think so I didn't respond, but I kept the text because i wanted to ask someone what they thought about it. So after he was telling me this he began to admit what I was thinking all along, that he wanted it. I told him that I was glad that he admitted it, but now that he knew that he indeed wanted it he could free himself.

My good friend, Mike, has been having relationship problems. His girlfriend of two months broke up with him for the fourth time, so they've been going back and forth with each other about the "state" of their relationship and their future. She wants to the perfect man, however, he's not perfect (not that anyone is). Her biggest concern now is that he doesn't have a job and it's not because he's a lazy man. Basically, he's a full time college student and he get's a stipend of about a grand a month for his living expenses from the GI Bill. Granted a thousand dollars is not a lot to live off of, but a person can make it work. I've heard of ppl living off of less than that with children. I will say that he manages his money horribly (spends way too much money eating out, and going to movies), but for the most part he does have stable income. But with a good woman guiding him I'm sure he would be fine. We talk all the time about his finances and I can almost say that if we were together that grand would almost always been away into savings. He's a wonderful man and he does more for me than some of the guys that I date.

He was crazy about his girlfriend and he believed that she was "the one." He wants a wife that he can love and cherish and treat like a queen. We've only been friends for a little over a year and in that short time I've grown to know that he is a wonderful man. He would be the ideal mate for me if it were not for my non physical attraction to him. Also, he's really really really into churh and I'm a sinner, and I had that problem with my ex, so I wasn't going to go there again. So, finally on Monday he text me to tell me that he and his girlfriend has broken up for the last time. He said he was done and even though he was heartbroken, he was glad that it was over because there was way too much stress by her pressuring him to get a job and not seeing that in two years he would be done with school and will be able to get a better job then than he could get now. Also, he was upset over the fact that she get's jealous over every woman that he associates with. I'm sure that she can't stand me because we do spend time together. We don't spend as much time together as we used and that was because I respected the fact that he had a girlfriend and that he needed to spend time with her, but we still talked on the phone and I took him out when he and his girlfriend were fighting.

I guess I understand the whole "gotta have a man with a job" concept, but I told him that I disagreed with the fact that she was pressuring him to get a job when he was a man with a plan. Yes, he didn't have a lot of money now, but if they did decide to get married, they could have made it work until he was done with school. I'm no stranger to skimping and I'm sure that if it were me, i'd have a pretty good amount of savings by pocketing most of his money and living off of what I make until he graduated. I'm not against supporting my man in his dreams, but apparently some women don't see it that way.

Last school year my sister got expelled from school because she threatened the assistant principal. She was upset because he suspended her for something that was a misunderstanding and instead of staying home during the suspension which meant that she would have had to tell my mom why she was staying home, she decided to go to school. She was almost though her third day of suspension when one of her teachers noticed that she wasn't supposed to be there and sent her to the assistant principal. She got an attitude and threatened him and he expelled her. She didn't get a hearing for being expelled, he simply told her not to come back and he called my mom. According to what I've learned she was expelled illegally. All students in Illinois public schools have a right to an expulsion hearing. She wasn't afforded that right and from what I've heard she was never taken off the roster.

Because she was expelled she was making plans to go to job corp which to me was a really good idea. I figured that it was a program that would be able to provide her skills that she needed to get a fairly decent job while she is young and deciding what she wants to do with her life while she got a GED. Also it would give her a chance to leave home to see other places and other people and hopefully be motivated to do something with her life. But, her plans were being blocked by my mother. She had her hopes up, was being organized by getting the things that she needed in order to sign up for job corp, but because she is a minor she can't get most of the things that she need: state ID, birth certificate, etc. My mother has to provide consent to get those things. My mother refused. My first question was why? Of course I didn't ask my mother because I'm a wuss. But, my other sister didn't flinch when she asked why she couldn't take the opportunity to get out of the ghetto by going away to take advantage of this educational program. My mom's explanation was that my little brother needed someone at home to be there when he got home from school and to babysit him during the summer. So she wasn't allowed to finish her education because she had to babysit. What kind of mess is that. I was flabbergasted. On top of that she couldn't get a job for the same reason. I guess she was supposed to home school herself. My sister on the other hand figured that my mother didn't want her to go to job corp because she didn't love her and she wanted to see her fail. I refused to believe that. What mother would do that to a child. Children are supposed to be arrows that are shot into their future. She was being shot down.

Since then my sister got a letter from the school saying that she needed to enroll in classes. She got excited because she had a chance to finish school. She was shot down again by my mother telling her that she couldn't go back to school because my mother thought that she would get kicked out again. Surely my mother was blocked her future. My sister has always had attitude so because of her belief that my mother didn't love and didn't want her to finish school, she had a major attitude problem. The boiling point came not too long ago when my sister and my mother got into a physical fight. From what I was told my mother told my sister to clean the kitchen and my sister didn't clean it to the specifications that my mother wanted her to, so my mother got upset with her and told her to go to her room. Later that evening my sister came up to get dinner and my mother told her that she didn't deserve dinner because she didn't clean up like she was told. My sister got an attitude and my mother didn't like the attitude so she attacked her and my sister fought back. My sister then left to go to my grandmother's house to stay. I was deeply saddened when I heard this story. Because a similar thing happened to me when I was a teenager. I'll blog about that later. My uncle told me all of this and was asking me what I thought he should do since he was staying there with them. I told him that I didn't know and that I'd think about it and talk to him about it later.

Today I talked to my uncle and he's informed me that my sister has moved to Iowa with my other sister. He and I both agree that that's not a good idea because my sister in Iowa is a single parent who is simply going to use my little sister as a babysitter so that she can run the streets. We know this because this is what she does when she comes home. She drops my neice off so that my little sister can watch her and she leaves and no one knows when she would be back. Also, I'm sure she won't be encouraged to go back to school. I told my uncle that I would call my little sister to see if I could convince her to go to job corp, but the issue would be if my mother would get what she needs to do that. We'll see.

My good friend, Mike, has been having relationship problems. His girlfriend of two months broke up with him for the fourth time, so they've been going back and forth with each other about the "state" of their relationship and their future. She wants to the perfect man, however, he's not perfect (not that anyone is). Her biggest concern now is that he doesn't have a job and it's not because he's a lazy man. Basically, he's a full time college student and he get's a stipend of about a grand a month for his living expenses from the GI Bill. Granted a thousand dollars is not a lot to live off of, but a person can make it work. I've heard of ppl living off of less than that with children. I will say that he manages his money horribly (spends way too much money eating out, and going to movies), but for the most part he does have stable income. But with a good woman guiding him I'm sure he would be fine. We talk all the time about his finances and I can almost say that if we were together that grand would almost always been away into savings. He's a wonderful man and he does more for me than some of the guys that I date.

He was crazy about his girlfriend and he believed that she was "the one." He wants a wife that he can love and cherish and treat like a queen. We've only been friends for a little over a year and in that short time I've grown to know that he is a wonderful man. He would be the ideal mate for me if it were not for my non physical attraction to him. Also, he's really really really into churh and I'm a sinner, and I had that problem with my ex, so I wasn't going to go there again. So, finally on Monday he text me to tell me that he and his girlfriend has broken up for the last time. He said he was done and even though he was heartbroken, he was glad that it was over because there was way too much stress by her pressuring him to get a job and not seeing that in two years he would be done with school and will be able to get a better job then than he could get now. Also, he was upset over the fact that she get's jealous over every woman that he associates with. I'm sure that she can't stand me because we do spend time together. We don't spend as much time together as we used and that was because I respected the fact that he had a girlfriend and that he needed to spend time with her, but we still talked on the phone and I took him out when he and his girlfriend were fighting.

I guess I understand the whole "gotta have a man with a job" concept, but I told him that I disagreed with the fact that she was pressuring him to get a job when he was a man with a plan. Yes, he didn't have a lot of money now, but if they did decide to get married, they could have made it work until he was done with school. I'm no stranger to skimping and I'm sure that if it were me, i'd have a pretty good amount of savings by pocketing most of his money and living off of what I make until he graduated. I'm not against supporting my man in his dreams, but apparently some women don't see it that way.

 
 
 
  

  

Mister took me to the train so that I could get home on Wednesday night. He also got up super early, 5:30am, to come to the train to pick me up on Friday. When he dropped me off at the station on Wednesday evening he got into the car to leave, but then stopped and came back in and planted a really big one on me. I wasn't expecting it. It was so dramatic--a kiss in the train station, how poetic. When he came to pick me up and drop me off at my place I was reaching to give him a hug and he kisses me again in the middle of the street. I still want to get back with him. For the simple reason that we are comfortable together. We know each other, I don't think that I've ever been so comfortable with anyone else. He knows all my secrets, except two, but one of those I've told a couple of people so it's not a secret anymore.

I attended a wedding of one of my student's on Sat. It was areally nice ceremony. I was supposed to go to the wedding with Magicfingers, but I called him and he didn't answer. So I went alone. It didn't bother me to go alone. I looked really good if I should say so myself. The bride was beautiful. The wedding was outside in front of a really pretty lake and the she was driven to the ceremoney on an old time car ( I don't know what kind it was.) The reception followed inside a reception hall. I had a really good time. I sat at a table with a fellow loner for the wedding. I dubbed her my plus one and we enjoyed the rest of the evening together with some members of the groom's family. As the ceremony was going on I was thinking about my wedding plans. I know women notoriously put way too much pressure of the wedding ceremony and I never wanted to do that. I want a simply wedding on an island somewhere with very few people. I want my husband of course and his parents and my parents if they can make it, and maybe a friend or two, that's it. I then want to have a small family lunch and then the honeymoom will commence for about a month and we will come back to the states and have a big party reception where we will show the video tape of the ceremony and highlights of our honeymoon. I'm not much for being on display in front of people saying my vows to the person that I love. I'm a little too private for that. After the wedding I went home in fantasyland. I was so happy for her. He dress was absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to call Dion, but I refused. He called me on Sunday night really late. His first question, "how was your weekend?" He didn't even remember the wedding. At that point I didn't feel like reminding him because I didn't want to tell him that I went alone even though I don't mind going places alone, sometimes I don't want to talk about it. I then went to his place and had hot sweaty sex. It was so humid outside that it caused everything to stick to everything and we stuck to each other.

I got a voice message on last Thursday. It was my little sister asking me to call home. I didn't get the message until after I left work, so I called home then and my mom tells me, "Charles died." Huh, what? Charles? All of this was going through my mind. I think the brain goes through a serious of mental blocks and stumbles when bad news is heard. I then said, "Charlie Reed?" and she confirmed that it was my cousin Charlie Reed who had passed on Wednesday night. I didn't know Charlie Reed very well, he was my second cousin. His sister, Toni, and I were more close. We went to high school together. Charlie Reed was closer to my mom's and my aunt's age. He was 41 or 42 (the cover of the obituary had one date and the inside had another date). For a long time Charlie Reed was sick. He had diabetes at a young age and it wasn't the kind that could be managed by what he ate. Charlie Reed was always thin. He then had kidney failure and was doing dialysis at his home. I was told that Toni couldn't reach him by phone so she went by his house and found him. He was gone when she found him. I assume that his organs failed him, but I didn't want to ask. At first I was reluctant to attend the funeral. I love my extended family dearly, but they can be mentally draining. The last couple years that I've gone home my aunts have always greeted me by saying, "Oooh, Tay u've gained weight." Oh, Thanks. Not that I need you to tell me that I'm fat. I've also harbored some ill feelings towards my extended family since I've grown up and moved away. When I was younger I lived with my grandmother (not my whole life, but periodically). My aunts, Trennia, Barbara, and Gloria lived there also along with my grandfather and uncle Dwight. It never occurred to my why my aunts never moved out. I guess neither of them really had the financial means to move on and start their own lives. Neither of them had men either, with the exception of Gloria. She started dating a man about 8 years ago and they had a child. I'm not sure where her baby daddy is today. As long as I've known him he's been an alcoholic and a hustler. I always thought that it was ironic that Gloria always talked about the man that my mom married, but she ended up with a guy who was worse, in my opinion. Which leads me to the reason for the contention with my family. My mother was a teenage mother. At the time that my mother had me, my grandmother and one of my mother's aunts were pregnant and had children. So my second cousin, Toni, my uncle Dwight, and I were born in the same year. Because of this my mom became the black sheep of the family. My grandmother often told her that no man would want to marry her because she had children out of wedlock. She would often be called a b*tch and a slut by my grandmother also. I'm sure my grandmother didn't bite her tongue while she put my mother down. I believe that's the reason that my aunts would also talk bad about her. My mother decided that she wasn't going to let my grandmother be right, so instead of marrying a good man, she married my stepfather. He was an alcoholic. He also smoked weed and probably did other drugs. My mother said that she married him to prove to my grandmother that she could find a man that loved her. She said that she didn't really love my stepfather, but he loved her. The married was anything, but successful. My stepfather would often be incognito for weeks at a time after he would get paid. It was the same thing every once in a while, he'd find a good job, usually as a cook in some restaurant, he'd work for a couple of weeks and then on a Friday he'd get his paycheck and we wouldn't see him for weeks, sometimes months. Of course when you are younger time seems to be so much longer than when u are an adult, so it may not have been that long, but that's what it seemed like. When he was around the air would change. There was a different spirit in the house and I didn't like it. I began to hate him being around. I figured we were better off without him. But my mom always let him come back and it seemed like each time he came back she'd get pregnant again. Today I have 3 sisters and 3 brothers. I think my stepfather, has maybe 9 children, excluding me and my sis, Nana. So that's 5 with my mother and 4 with other women. Our lives were miserable growing up. We were the textbook poor family, welfare, cheese lines, public aid health care, unlivable housing, poor health. I hated it, so I was determined to not live that way. I also hated that my family--my grandmother, my aunts, and uncle always had something bad to say about my mom. Never an encouraging word, always something to tear her down. Not only was this done in my presence, but it was done in the presence of my friends. I remember my freshmen year in college I brought a friend home with me. Before she came I warned her that my family always talked bad about my mother. Sure enough at the kitcen table, who was the topic of the evening? My mother. At that point I was so disgusted that I decided that when I got my own place I didn't want anything to do with them. That became the case when I moved to Decatur. Whenever I went home I would visit my mother, but I rarely visited my grandmother's house. I only did when she found out that I was in town. At that point I would have to go to her house because she would make me feel guilty because she was the one that took care of me and even paid the down payment on my first car. I was grateful to her for that, but I still thought that she was wrong for the way she dealt with my mother. So I guess this long story is to explain my trepidation when visiting family functions like get togethers, and funerals. There's not much that I like to discuss with them. So when mom told me that Charlie Reed died, I immediately said that I would be home, but later on I was backing out of it. I did'nt want to see my extended family. However, at the last minute I decided to go and hopped on a train and went home. Instead of staying at my grandmother's house like I would do years ago, I stayed at my aunt Margaret's house. I was so happy that I did because my extended family wasn't there. My aunt Gloria has been really sick so my aunt Barbara had to stay at home to care for her. Apparently Gloria is really sick. I believe that my family thinks that she doesn't have long to live. She not yet 40, but has diabetes, is morbidly obese, and had to have a defibrilator put into her heart. When they put the defibrilator in they said she died and the doc's had to keep reviving her. She's never took care of her health. When she was told that she had diabetes she didn't eat right like the doc's told her. She'd actually eat worse and then use her insulin as a crutch. When she got pregnant it got worse. That's when her heart problems started. My uncle Dwight didn't go because he had classes to go to and my aunt Trennia didn't go because she had to work. Gloria took Charlie Reed's death really hard because he was so young and they were really close. At the funeral, all of my grandfather's brothers and sister's were there. They were their to support their sister, Anne Mae, Charlie Reeds mother. I was so happy to see them because I hadn't seen them in a long time. The funeral was really nice and Charlie Reed looked really good. It was still sad that he had to go so young. After the funeral I went with my aunt Margaret and her son, Philip (my cousin) to dinner. We took my baby sister along with us. We had a really nice time. I then got up early to take the train back home to get ready for a wedding.