The end of the Year
This year has gone by so fast that it's scary. The sad thing is that I can't wait until this time next year. I guess I can't wait because right now I'm not very happy with my situation and I believe that as the years progress my life will get better, however, looking back to this time last year I was saying the same thing and consequently I am no better than I was last year. But I have hope and as long as I have hope I think it will be okay in some weird way.
I called Mr. Detroit. He called me back last night and we talked for about a half an hour. I don't feel any sparks from him. I feel like he's one of those guys that will be my homies. Even though we did talk about me visiting Detroit sometime. I mentioned over the holidays and he kind of came up with a minor excuse and I quickly told him that I didn't mean on Christmas or New Years, but sometime in between when I'm off. I don't know about him. I had to force the conversation. I asked him why he was single and he told me about his ex and their 4-year stint and how he left her cause she didn't support his business move. I understand that. As I talked to him I realized that I have not had a successful relationship that has lasted over a year. It's always been a couple of months then we break up and get back together. I want something that will be good for at least one solid year. One whole solid year. From one time to the same time the next year. If I can do that then that will be the man that I marry.
I've talked to my bf. I don't know when I will officially stop calling him that. I guess when he cusses me out and tells me to piss off, but I sent him and e-mail:
...little disappointed when i didn't get to see you this weekend. I was pretty horny and I have to admit I'm pretty addicted to your style (your roughness and the way you hit my spot when you are getting it from behind. I also like that certain something that I can't quite put my finger on). I'm so addicted that I'm afraid that I will be sorely disappointed if I get involved with someone else. I understand your other committments so I won't press you for your time if those obligations keep you so busy that I'm the last thing on your mind. However, if there is time that you can alot to me I would definitely appreciate it. If not, then I will move on and not bother you about it. Consequently, I'm getting pretty fond of my little toys and am looking for a few that are even more fun, so I won't be totally without... Let me know if you can accomodate me. I don't mind begging for it....
Love,
Your wannabe...
P.S. I'm willing to do what it takes to get it ;-)
So he im'd me and apologized for not being able to accomodate. I also got the scoop that maybe he is totally over me, but I'm not sure. I'm going to bring his shirt to work to see if I can get some kind of response from him. He mentioned to someone that when there is a lack of interest in sex with a person that means that he is totally through with them. He surely has no interest in having sex with me so I guess I can assume that it's over, but I'm obsessed with him loving me. I really don't know what to do. My whole being want's to let him go, but there is this little evil part of me that keeps holding on. I want to be loved so badly and I think he's the one that can do it.
"Don't stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you....If you love me you'll forgive me." --Anna (The move Closer)
This is how I feel about him.
I called Mr. Detroit. He called me back last night and we talked for about a half an hour. I don't feel any sparks from him. I feel like he's one of those guys that will be my homies. Even though we did talk about me visiting Detroit sometime. I mentioned over the holidays and he kind of came up with a minor excuse and I quickly told him that I didn't mean on Christmas or New Years, but sometime in between when I'm off. I don't know about him. I had to force the conversation. I asked him why he was single and he told me about his ex and their 4-year stint and how he left her cause she didn't support his business move. I understand that. As I talked to him I realized that I have not had a successful relationship that has lasted over a year. It's always been a couple of months then we break up and get back together. I want something that will be good for at least one solid year. One whole solid year. From one time to the same time the next year. If I can do that then that will be the man that I marry.
I've talked to my bf. I don't know when I will officially stop calling him that. I guess when he cusses me out and tells me to piss off, but I sent him and e-mail:
...little disappointed when i didn't get to see you this weekend. I was pretty horny and I have to admit I'm pretty addicted to your style (your roughness and the way you hit my spot when you are getting it from behind. I also like that certain something that I can't quite put my finger on). I'm so addicted that I'm afraid that I will be sorely disappointed if I get involved with someone else. I understand your other committments so I won't press you for your time if those obligations keep you so busy that I'm the last thing on your mind. However, if there is time that you can alot to me I would definitely appreciate it. If not, then I will move on and not bother you about it. Consequently, I'm getting pretty fond of my little toys and am looking for a few that are even more fun, so I won't be totally without... Let me know if you can accomodate me. I don't mind begging for it....
Love,
Your wannabe...
P.S. I'm willing to do what it takes to get it ;-)
So he im'd me and apologized for not being able to accomodate. I also got the scoop that maybe he is totally over me, but I'm not sure. I'm going to bring his shirt to work to see if I can get some kind of response from him. He mentioned to someone that when there is a lack of interest in sex with a person that means that he is totally through with them. He surely has no interest in having sex with me so I guess I can assume that it's over, but I'm obsessed with him loving me. I really don't know what to do. My whole being want's to let him go, but there is this little evil part of me that keeps holding on. I want to be loved so badly and I think he's the one that can do it.
"Don't stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you....If you love me you'll forgive me." --Anna (The move Closer)
This is how I feel about him.
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on Tuesday, November 29, 2005 at 11:03 AM.
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