30 Something

I have a history of having anxiety attacks and I don't get them very often now, however, I am experiencing one right now and I'm trying to type to calm myself down. I was at my desk and I overheard my boss asking the secretary for a checklist for my students. So I started to get nervous. I get nervous every time my boss comes to me because I don't trust her. I never know when behind my back she will lie about something or if something will come up a month later that I did and get wrote up for it. So it bothers me when she talks to me. I don't feel like I have any protection against what she does to me. So, I don't really talk to her. After our secretary printed off a copy of the checklist she brings it to me and tells me that I need to do my list like everyone else--hand checked instead of sending her a report from my electronic copy. She also states that it's easier for her to do it her way (by hand, instead of electronically) so that she can check my list against my calendar. So I was a little confused. How would she check my list against my calendar when most of my students that come in aren't on my calendar? To me I need to know what she's doing so that I could explain myself if something comes up, thus the anxiety. So instead of doing it her way, I simply printed off my electronic copy instead of the report which can look exactly like the copy that she gets from our secretary if she just tells me what's wrong with my electronic copy. Basically, the only difference my copy had from my secretaries copy is that I have all of my students on there instead of just my students from the semester. If she tells me that she only wants my students from this semester I can do that. I can't read her mind. Plus, I don't understand why I can't do it electronically if it's going to be the exact same thing. The worst part is that I took it to her and then she came back to me to ask for the copy that the secretary gave me. I shredded that copy because it had student info on there. So she ask our secretary to print off another copy. I don't understand what she wants. I mean, I understand that she wants it done "her way", but if my way is going to look exactly like her way with the exception that I have comp check marks instead of handwritten check marks I don't understand. And my anxiety has not gone away. I'm glad it's close to being time to go home because I can't take this. I think I may need to be medicated.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 01, 2006 at 4:21 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.