30 Something

I've got a a dilemna. I invited Terrance to go out of town with me this weekend. I had the best time. We have fun traveling down to St. Louis and when we got there we had and even better time hanging out. We visited a neat club, Club Onyx, where my intent was to dance the night into the morning, but at about 4am, Terrance wanted to go back to the hotel. I agreed reluctantly. When we got back we had a really good time getting to sleep ;-). At the end of our time together I was really feeling the love. My heart was doing this funny thing. I "wanted" him. No, not want, want, but wanted to really be his girlfriend. It scared me a little. He has told me that he loved me before and I've blown him off everytime, but man was I really feeling it. Can I be in love? I don't know. It's scary, it's frightening. On the way home he was telling me that i'm the only woman that he's seeing and that he wants to be with me. I don't know. I began to relive my teenage years with Floyd all over again. Why am I so reluctant to commit to him. So of course whenever I need to make a decision about something I need to write it all out--the advantages, disadvantages, pros, cons, etc. So I will attempt to make a list of the good and bad of Terrance.

Good:
1.Great sense of humor
2. very personable and approachable (strangers love to strike up convos with him)
3. smart (he knows how to fix cars and small electrical compliances)
4. hard working (well sort of)
5. God fearing (even though he hasn't been to church lately)
6. stable
7. honest
8. wonderful cooking abilities
9. handsome
10. well-dressed and manicured (even though he has rough hands which I like)
11. fit...


Bad:
1.Short (i can't wear anything with a heel on it if we are together, bummer)
2.has a hard time pronoucing some words (which is hilarious to me)
3. has a gf that died (i'm not sure why that bothers me, but it really really really does)
4. has unstable tendencies (he told me that he's had a great number of jobs since he's been in Decatur (i think the number was 11. that's alot to have only lived he for 4 years)
5. i'm not sure how to word this one, but i have a hard time being open sexually. with most guys that i've had a remotely serious relationship with, i've been sexually uninhibited, but for some reason i can't be "free" with him.
6. has two children (not all that bad, but he is paying through the nose for child support)
7. has a tendency to be wrong about most things (which is not really a big deal because i just roll my eyes and ignore him)
8. intimidating (again this is similar to the sexual inhibitions that i have with him, but sometimes i can't be me around him. i feel like i'm gonna be judged. i'm trying to think of how long it took me to trust Mister before because i can't think of a time when i was so inhibitied that i couldn't be me.
9. he smokes, not cigarettes (he stopped those on the 1st)

I really don't know what to do. I do know that I don't want to give up Deon. But maybe this is a sign from God because I did set my goal to be settled in a relationship this year. Maybe I should just go for it.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 15, 2007 at 4:10 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.