30 Something

I love this time of the year. It feels like a second, third, fourth, fifth time to get it right. I thank God that I've been blessed to see a new year and I pray that this is the best year for me. I spent new years eve with friends watching movies and playing mad libs. It was fun. I was a little sad because I've made the decision to severe my relationship with Price. On Monday I went home and I told him I would be in town. He decided he wanted to meet me. I didn't realize his agenda. He asked me before I got there to bring an overnight bag. I hadn't decided to spend the night and didn't think an overnight bag was relevant so I told him that I wasn't. I'm so slow sometimes. It was just in the back of my mind that he wanted to sleep with me, but I figured that since I made myself clear he wouldn't push the subject. Well, I was truely mistaken. He kept pushing and pushing. I asked him what our plans were because I wanted to hang out and have fun. For some reason he kept saying we would be spontaneous. I didn't realize he already had plans. I wanted to go to Dave & Busters. He wanted to go to Casa Garialdo. What? I want to have fun and laugh. He wanted to be cheap and use a buy one get one free coupon. I told him I would pay for dinner Dave and Busters, but again he had his own agenda. So we ended up eating at the stupid mexican restaurant where he kept asking and asking if I was going to stay the night with him. After awhile the whole atmoshere changed. I got really quiet and somber and told him that I would. It was against my better judgement. Ugh. We ended up at the Hotel Collinsville where he complained about the room to get an upgrade. It was a long night. For whatever reason, he didn't realize that I wasn't into sleeping with him. I couldn't even get my body to cooperate with what was going on. I told myself that it was okay, that I would have a good time, but I wasn't physically arounsed. If I was a man I wouldn't have been able to keep it up. We romped all night and when he was done I couldn't sleep. I cried. I cried because I thought he was my friend. I cried because I thought he'd respect me enough to not pressure me into sleeping with him. I cried because I gave in. I cried because it wasn't even good, at all. I cried because I knew that would be the last time I talked to him. I cried because it felt like I was a teenager again trying to be loved by someone who didn't love me, but only wanted sex. He left the next morning at 8:30...said he had to finish his work. I believed him, but couldn't get out of bed. I got up at 10, went to have breakfast and left the hotel at 10:30. He called me a couple times throughout the day. I didn't answer. I want to tell him so badly how much he hurt me--how it feels to be used. What is wrong with men? All night he kept telling me how he's wanted to sleep with me since college. What? That was 10 years ago. He kept telling me how we would make the perfect couple, how this couldn't be the last time we were together. What? What could possible come out of this relationship? You go home, miles away, to your wife and children. Tell me what could possibly come from this beside my heart being broken? I kept thinking about Mister, how he loved me, how he made sure I was satisfied. Price was the opposite, he wanted to be satisfied. He didn't care about what I wanted at all. It was all about him and as much as I love him, I love me more, so I'm starting 2009 without a friend.

When I got back home my good friend Tonya called me and I cried on the phone to her. She encouraged me and let me know to not let it get me down. I made a mistake and I need to get over it because it was a new year, a new season and just as he is gone from my life, there will be someone better.

Labels: new season

This entry was posted on Friday, January 02, 2009 at 11:03 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.