My Dating History Part Five
July 27, 2004: I’m sitting at work all day with my feet up because they were swelling. Around 3 o’clock I get up to get something to eat. I walk to the cafeteria and order something to eat. There is this gush of fluid. I scurry to the bathroom. I wipe and wipe and wipe some more. It was the same clear fluid. Nothing else. I get back into my office to get on the internet to see if I should be worried. I find a message board where a woman was explaining how she was losing amniotic fluid and her son was born with a paralyzed arm because of it. I panicked. I called my doctor and by this time she had left the office so I told her messenger service to have her call me. She called me and by this time I was crying. She told me to get to the hospital and that she would call them to tell them that I was on my way. I got to the hospital and they tested the fluid and it came back inconclusive. They couldn’t determine if it was amniotic fluid or not, so they called my Dr. She came in and did an ultrasound and found out that I was funneling. I was dilated 1 cm and the amniotic sac was coming out. My dr. called a specialist and had me flown 40miles away to a hospital that could help save my baby. I called Mister and he came to the hospital. They tried to stop the labor, but it wouldn’t stop. I was injected with steroids and other medicine to help the baby’s lungs and stop the labor. Nothing worked.
July 28, 2004: 7:00am, I was dilated 5cm. She was breach. The dr. told me that I had to deliver by cesarean. Talia Renee Adams was born at 8:30am with a 30% chance of surviving according to my dr. He told me that the neonatal dr could give me a better prognosis. I was 25 weeks pregnant. Talia was 1lb 7oz. I was in the hospital for 4 days and we stayed in the guest house over the weekend. Mister didn’t like the guest house because he couldn’t smoke in it. Also, he was upset over the fact that someone ate some of our food that was in the freezer despite the fact that we had our name on it. He didn’t want to stay there any longer. We left. I started my internship for grad school and he worked part time. We visited Talia every other day and we stayed over the weekends. I was pumping my breasts and trying to hold it together for Mister. At 7 days old they did a brain scan. There were two massive brain hemorrhages. It is normal for premature babies to bleed in the brain. There are 4 levels of bleeding. Levels 1 and 2 usually heal on it’s own. Levels 3 and 4 are more serious. She had level 4 bleeding. At this point I didn’t think that she would survive. I knew she wasn’t going to make it. At 10 days old, we were visiting her in the hospital. Mister didn’t want to stay in the guest house which was free so we booked a crappy hotel across the street from the hospital. I was scared to go to sleep in that place. The dr called to tell us that she may not make it through the night. She caught pneumonia. He asked if we wanted to resuscitate her if it came to that. I told him not to. Because I was scared to sleep in the motel I went to the hospital and stayed with her all night. If she was going to die I wanted to be there.
August 17, 2004: I was at work doing my internship and the dr called me. He asked me if we were going to come to see Talia. I told him that we were. He said that her organs were starting to fail. I told him that we would leave as soon as we can. I went to Mister’s job and told him that the dr called and that we needed to get over there. We got on the road. When we got there, there was a partician separating us form the rest of the nicu. I didn’t know what was going on. We wanted to talk to the dr. I guess the nurse thought that we knew what was going on. The dr came out of his meeting and told us that she had no brain activity. He wanted to know if what our decision was. I couldn’t tell him to take her off the machine. Mister told him to. He left to go downstairs. I stayed while they took her off the machine. She died at about 6:30pm. I cried and cried. I helped them clean her up. We took pictures. To this day I can’t look at those pictures. I told Mister and we left. He took it really hard. The atmosphere had changed between us. We no longer had a baby to tie us together.
August 20, 2004: We were sitting down watching TV and I needed a drink. Late that night I started to get what felt like heartburn. I thought it was due to the alcohol because sometimes that gives does it to me. However, it began to get worse. After midnight I couldn’t take it anymore and asked Mister to take me to the hospital. We got there and found out that I had two massive blood clots in my lungs. Talia’s burial was the next day. The dr. told me that if I left I could die. I was in so much pain physically and I couldn’t bury my daughter. Mister had to do it alone. After Talia was born I called my mom to tell her that she would be having a new grand daughter, but I didn’t tell her that Talia died. I told my sister though. She was going to come to see me, but I really didn’t want to get my family involved. I only had Mister to get through this. He was devastated that she was gone. Surely, when I found out that I was sick my beliefs became an issue. I could have died and he didn’t want me to bring up the fact that I wanted to get back to my roots. Up until this time we hadn’t made it an issue. We argued and got mad at each other because even though he wasn’t very religious, he said that he prayed that Talia wouldn’t die and sure enough she did, show could there be a God. He was relying on God to keep his daughter here. I was relying on God to take her because I didn’t want her to go through pain like that. I didn’t want her to be in the hospital. I also as sad as this may seem, didn’t want to be tied to Mister by her being here. We were praying for two different things. After I got out of the hospital sure enough I told him that while in the hospital I thought that this was a good time for me to start going back to church. He said that he didn’t want anything to do with the church. However, he came because of me. He said that he didn’t agree with what was going taught, but he would try it. Things got really crazy. It was like a tornado and instead of me being there to support him because his daughter died; I was scared of dying myself. I was worried about my own mortality. I then became really paranoid. I just knew that I was going to die. I knew that the reason that God took Talia was because I was going to die. She wasn’t going to have a mommy, so instead of allowing her to survive and me to die He was going to take both of us. I couldn’t sleep. I started preparing to die. I looked into upping my insurance so that my family wouldn’t have anything to worry about. I looked into getting a living will. I even wanted to write out my funeral arrangements. Mister didn’t understand. He told me that I wasn’t sick enough to die. He basically dismissed me. My health didn’t matter to him. He lost a daughter and now this issue of religion was coming back up and I was leaving him and that’s all that mattered. He moved out. I helped with his move. I bought and sewed drapes. I helped him clean his new place. I helped him move furniture. I still loved him.
July 28, 2004: 7:00am, I was dilated 5cm. She was breach. The dr. told me that I had to deliver by cesarean. Talia Renee Adams was born at 8:30am with a 30% chance of surviving according to my dr. He told me that the neonatal dr could give me a better prognosis. I was 25 weeks pregnant. Talia was 1lb 7oz. I was in the hospital for 4 days and we stayed in the guest house over the weekend. Mister didn’t like the guest house because he couldn’t smoke in it. Also, he was upset over the fact that someone ate some of our food that was in the freezer despite the fact that we had our name on it. He didn’t want to stay there any longer. We left. I started my internship for grad school and he worked part time. We visited Talia every other day and we stayed over the weekends. I was pumping my breasts and trying to hold it together for Mister. At 7 days old they did a brain scan. There were two massive brain hemorrhages. It is normal for premature babies to bleed in the brain. There are 4 levels of bleeding. Levels 1 and 2 usually heal on it’s own. Levels 3 and 4 are more serious. She had level 4 bleeding. At this point I didn’t think that she would survive. I knew she wasn’t going to make it. At 10 days old, we were visiting her in the hospital. Mister didn’t want to stay in the guest house which was free so we booked a crappy hotel across the street from the hospital. I was scared to go to sleep in that place. The dr called to tell us that she may not make it through the night. She caught pneumonia. He asked if we wanted to resuscitate her if it came to that. I told him not to. Because I was scared to sleep in the motel I went to the hospital and stayed with her all night. If she was going to die I wanted to be there.
August 17, 2004: I was at work doing my internship and the dr called me. He asked me if we were going to come to see Talia. I told him that we were. He said that her organs were starting to fail. I told him that we would leave as soon as we can. I went to Mister’s job and told him that the dr called and that we needed to get over there. We got on the road. When we got there, there was a partician separating us form the rest of the nicu. I didn’t know what was going on. We wanted to talk to the dr. I guess the nurse thought that we knew what was going on. The dr came out of his meeting and told us that she had no brain activity. He wanted to know if what our decision was. I couldn’t tell him to take her off the machine. Mister told him to. He left to go downstairs. I stayed while they took her off the machine. She died at about 6:30pm. I cried and cried. I helped them clean her up. We took pictures. To this day I can’t look at those pictures. I told Mister and we left. He took it really hard. The atmosphere had changed between us. We no longer had a baby to tie us together.
August 20, 2004: We were sitting down watching TV and I needed a drink. Late that night I started to get what felt like heartburn. I thought it was due to the alcohol because sometimes that gives does it to me. However, it began to get worse. After midnight I couldn’t take it anymore and asked Mister to take me to the hospital. We got there and found out that I had two massive blood clots in my lungs. Talia’s burial was the next day. The dr. told me that if I left I could die. I was in so much pain physically and I couldn’t bury my daughter. Mister had to do it alone. After Talia was born I called my mom to tell her that she would be having a new grand daughter, but I didn’t tell her that Talia died. I told my sister though. She was going to come to see me, but I really didn’t want to get my family involved. I only had Mister to get through this. He was devastated that she was gone. Surely, when I found out that I was sick my beliefs became an issue. I could have died and he didn’t want me to bring up the fact that I wanted to get back to my roots. Up until this time we hadn’t made it an issue. We argued and got mad at each other because even though he wasn’t very religious, he said that he prayed that Talia wouldn’t die and sure enough she did, show could there be a God. He was relying on God to keep his daughter here. I was relying on God to take her because I didn’t want her to go through pain like that. I didn’t want her to be in the hospital. I also as sad as this may seem, didn’t want to be tied to Mister by her being here. We were praying for two different things. After I got out of the hospital sure enough I told him that while in the hospital I thought that this was a good time for me to start going back to church. He said that he didn’t want anything to do with the church. However, he came because of me. He said that he didn’t agree with what was going taught, but he would try it. Things got really crazy. It was like a tornado and instead of me being there to support him because his daughter died; I was scared of dying myself. I was worried about my own mortality. I then became really paranoid. I just knew that I was going to die. I knew that the reason that God took Talia was because I was going to die. She wasn’t going to have a mommy, so instead of allowing her to survive and me to die He was going to take both of us. I couldn’t sleep. I started preparing to die. I looked into upping my insurance so that my family wouldn’t have anything to worry about. I looked into getting a living will. I even wanted to write out my funeral arrangements. Mister didn’t understand. He told me that I wasn’t sick enough to die. He basically dismissed me. My health didn’t matter to him. He lost a daughter and now this issue of religion was coming back up and I was leaving him and that’s all that mattered. He moved out. I helped with his move. I bought and sewed drapes. I helped him clean his new place. I helped him move furniture. I still loved him.
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Very pretty site! Keep working. thnx!
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